Just add rollerskates and a tank top.

• Kathy Griffin comments on her love affair with the gays.
• Dale from Top Chef talks to the Chicago Tribune.
• from her sickbed.
• Rob (of Amber and Rob) is hosting some reality show where the prize is $10 million.
• The next season of Survivor might be an all-star season.
• Motley Crue is blaming Rock Star for its financial problems. And not the fact Dr. Feelgood was twenty years ago.
• It seems like a lot of people are watching The Closer.
• Dr. Seuss’ thugs are making Christina Applegate .
• Katherine Hiegl has her own line of scrubs.
• Alias’ David Anders will, in fact, be on Heroes.
• Ask Ausiello has news on House and James Marsters.
• Oy. That Anna Nicole judge got his own show.

The frogs I acquired in junior high unexpectedly lived until I was well into college.

• If you’re thinking about getting Showtime, click here first and get a $25 iTunes gift card.
• If you have Direct TV, this is a Starz free preview weekend. I’ve already set the TiFaux for all sorts of crappy movies. Silent Hill (why not?). The Brothers Grimm (of course!).
• Rock Star Supernova is changing their name again. I would suggest Dokken, but that’s already taken.
• E!’s Kristin has spoilers for The Office, Grey’s and Veronica Mars.
• Joey Lawrence will be a serial killer on CSI: NY.
• Marc Cherry will end Desperate Housewives after seven seasons.
• Here are some details on the ‘Addison’s leaving’ episode of Grey’s.
• Attention sick children home from school — Regis will be back on April 26.
• Vince Curatola, Johnny Sack from The Sopranos, talks about his character’s death on Sunday’s episode.
• Grey’s was the talk of the town at the GLAAD Awards.
• Will Rudy Giuliani’s cross-dressing on SNL damage his presidential prospects?
• High School Musical is poisoning our youth.
• This is a good article about Lost that sheds some light on the behind-the-scenes discussion of Nikki and Paolo. Basically, they were killed because people resented them. I have hope, though, that if they can resolve that problem so well, they can wrap up the series in a satisfactory way.

News nuggets to get you through your mid-afternoon slump.

• What do you call three aging rock stars and their reality show-selected lead singer?  Well, apparently not Supernova.  Tommy Lee and company are going to have to rename their group before they've even finished their album because a California-based punk trio of the same name won a recent legal battle.  The Tommy Lee Supernova has been banned from "performing rock and roll music, or recording, or selling rock and roll music recordings under the same (name), pending a trial of this action on its merits, or until otherwise ordered by the court."
• What was it?  Did giving Dave Coulier a blow job turn her off from men entirely? Or was parting ways with Ryan Reynolds and his abs just too much?  Because Alanis Morissette's gone gay.  She's actually just playing a lesbian love interest on Nip/Tuck — a show I guess I should be watching. 
• Jinkies!  On the set of CSI: New York, Melina Kanakaredes and Lt. Dan made a shocking discovery. While filming an episode about the discovery of a mummified body, the crew actually found a mummified body.  Actually, it was day workers and crew that found the body in the building and they don't know anything about who the person was or how they died yet.
• The dream is over.  After a single performance on the show, Tucker Carlson has been dismissed from Dancing With the Stars.  Poor fella.

Remember yesterday when I said I wished they would knock out two people on Rock Star? Well, it may not be the exact two I hoped for — Zayra, you're up next, and I think you know that — but they did indeed go ahead and boot two contestants last night. Sometimes, the suckiness of people cannot be endured for one more second. Jill, you suck. Josh, you're okay, if you like that sort of thing, which Supernova and I both do not. So very nice move, manufactured band. I appreciate it.

In related news, I love Gilby, I hate Jason, I am surprisingly indifferent about Tommy Lee, I feel bad for Brooke, and Dave is pretty good at this whole TV thing. I love Dilana, Ryan makes me uncomfortable (though Losing My Religion was great), Lukas is an asshat, I am unmoved by Storm, I don't get the Toby "thing," there are no words to describe the terribleness of Zayra, I'm sick of Patrice, and Magni is really growing on me.

Also, I can't really listen to my iPod anymore without imagining what I would do if I had to perform that song as a contestant on this show. Is it possible that Rock Star is ruining music for me? And: should I be surprised by this? 

I have not accepted that many people don't give a crap about Rock Star. I will make you care. How will I do that? I will show you Dilana. Here's her performance from last night. I challenge you to find me a cooler person, more interesting stage presence, and unique voice in the entire world. I. Love. Her.

She can do anything. She can even kick the ass of a Cranberries song. Don't believe me? I thought you might say that.

What can't she do? Nothing. The answer is nothing. Here she does Nirvana.

Dilana. Not only is she an amazing performer, but she gives advice to the gratingly pathetic Dana, who repays her by imitating her in the grossest way possible. But Dilana doesn't care. Dilana is genuine. Dilana.

Once again I spent a blissful hour in front of the TV, maniacally grinning at the highs and low, low, low lows of Rock Star: Supernova. I just love this show. It shouldn't be good. But it is. In fact, it's amazing.

Patrice is still my emotional favorite and Dilana is my might-actually-win but-she's-kinda-scary favorite. I think Toby's starting to pull ahead of the pack of men, but I just don't get him, personally. This means he will probably win.

And then there are the others, some of whom seem to be self-destructing already. Namely: Jill, wearing a slutty wedding dress (that her boobs definitely fell out of occasionally) and carrying roses, imitating Courtney Love. And Zayra, with the weak singing, and then the insulting of the judges.

Jason NewstedGildy Clark? I can't remember: Do you know our music at all?
Zayra: I've heard of you guys.
Newsted/Clark: Do you own an album that any of us have made?
Zayra: I was in diapers while you guys were making albums.

This is the kind of truth that no aging rocker selling out for a CBS reality TV show wants to hear. It was fantastic.

Bets are on Jill Gioia to get the boot. She didn't insult the judges, just good taste and music in general. 

Last night's premiere of Rock Star: Supernova was everything I thought it would be and more. I've only watched bits and pieces of American Idol, but it's what I'd imagine American Idol would be like after getting a new wardrobe at H&M, obtaining a couple tattoos and piercings, staying out all night drinking tequila and granting sexual favors in the men's room of a dirty club, trying heroin just for fun, then stumbling into the studio still a little drunk only to revive itself with a snort of something right before the show started. In other words, it's cracked out and crazy and kind of a phony, but at heart, just wants to be America's favorite person ever.

Dave Navarro, as anyone who has ever seen him on Celebrity Poker Showdown would attest, is a huge camera-whore with the greatest eyebrows known to man. Brooke Burke's outfits are from Insane Skankwear R Us, but she somehow (amazingly) pulls it off. The new band members seem to have a spark of genuine craziness, particularly Tommy Lee, who I predict will somehow miss one or more episodes this season. I just can't see that man actually showing up on time for the same thing week after week.

And the contestants? So far they seem like a pleasantly deranged and delusional bunch. The lows were mainly the men, who struggle to come up with any sort of personality for themselves without looking fey. There were some pretty phenomenal female performances, particularly Dilana:

She sang a truly awesome version of Lithium. So awesome she kind of scared the crap out of me. In a good way, I think. My other initial favorite is Patrice:

She's got a great voice and she's likeable onstage. There were some other great ones, like the teeny tiny blonde chick and the tall skinny blonde chick and the Puerto Rican girl wearing the train, but these two stood out. From the men, I liked Lukas (another crazy/scary type) and Ryan, who's last name is Star, so there you go.

Look at these people! How can you not watch a show with these characters? Don't you want to know what they're going to say? If they're going to flail around the stage and hurt themselves? If Tommy Lee is going to tell them that they "killed that song"? Whether Supernova will even be paying attention?