Hello, friends. Long time, lots of bad TV. Well, with the exception of What Would Brian Boitano Make? and brand! new! shiny! Project Runway on Lifetime. But starting, erm, last week, the long summer drought has ended, and we’re getting factory-direct new episodes of scripted TV, which is awesome. Herein, a few things I am looking forward to, and a few more I am giving up on.

As you may know, Gossip Girl returns for a third season tonight, with everyone on the show attending NYU because they are too poor/stupid/antisocial for Yale, Brown, and gen pop (Blair and Dan, Serena, and Chuck, respectively). I suppose it doesn’t even matter if I point out yet again that NYU costs more than Yale, and that CCNY would actually be more on these dimwits’ intellectual levels. I don’t think I’ll be following the Gossips too much this year, because everything became both unbelievable and unbelievably boring last year. And although I do enjoy watching boys make out almost as much as Dan (our Dan, not Lonelyboy. Well, I think Lonelyboy likes it too) does, the prospect of Chuck sucking face with this guy isn’t going to bring me back.

A show I will be following, religiously? Castle! Because Nathan Fillion is a very nice man and it’s fantastic to see him finally get a second season of something. The man works hard, selling the hell out of the show , and also he sometimes shows up . Which is the kind of commitment we like to see in our tall, dark, and handsome Canadians. Besides that, the show itself is quality. It was a midseason replacement last year and turned out to be a nice blend of procedural and romantic dramedy, with Fillion providing most of the giggles and the quite lovely Stana Katic playing the straight man. Also, his interaction with his TV daughter is wonderful. Seriously, I may be most excited about the return of Castle, and that’s saying a lot, since back in April I was inappropriately anxious to find out if Amy Brenneman would survive having her belly sliced open by that psychotic woman from Alias and Felicity.

I am also very excited about How I Met Your Mother, and not just because my crush on NPH really doesn’t care that he’s gay (remember what I said about boys making out? Yeah, I could stand to see a little PDA on the Emmy red carpet, is all). I’ve been rewatching the early seasons of HIMYM on DVD, and honestly, I just love that show. It’s so sparkling and delightful, and even SagetTed doesn’t weird me out anymore. I am really in no hurry to find Your Mother, as that might bring the show to an end, and I just love it too much. More Barney! More Marshall! More everyone!

Avec Eric is like Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, but with less swearing, fewer snide remarks about my beloved Food Network, and far more inventive use of a toaster oven. Famous, fantastic French chef Eric Ripert travels the world for boar hunts and visits to the greatest restaurants there are, then he whips up something tasty in his palatial home kitchen. And he does it all with the most wonderful accent, a sense of humor, and a deep sense of respect for food, people who grow food, people who kill food, and people who eat food. If you only know him from Top Chef, record the show. There are no commercials! And it’s just incredibly relaxing and beautiful. If Eric Ripert’s accent doesn’t make your ears purr, I will refund your money.

I’ve seen the pilot of Community. It is quite funny, and of course, Joel McHale can do no wrong. I hope it prospers magnificently. I’ve also seen the pilot of Trauma, which is quite unintentionally funny in places, but you know I will watch whatever Peter Berg throws at me. You know who’s interesting on that? Cliff Curtis, who plays a crazy adrenaline junkie helicopter paramedic. He kind of wins the TV Diversity Sweepstakes (at first I thought he was Indian, but he’s actually from New Zealand. And once played Pablo Escobar! Far better than Adrian Grenier did). Speaking of Peter Berg, I have no idea what’s going to happen on Friday Night Lights when it returns to DirecTV, but I will be there. Er, here. In my office, where we have DirecTV. I understand that Riggins will be back (RIGGINS!!) but not Tyra. And Matt Saracen is sticking around Dillon to break our hearts like five thousand more times. Plus, Coach and Mrs. Coach! I almost forgot how deeply I love Friday Night Lights, you all.

And that is kind of it. Yeah, there are other returning shows I’m looking forward to, and I will give a looksee to Flash Forward, The Good Wife, and Modern Family, but with Jay Leno effectively blacking out five hours of primetime a week to me, this appears to be what my DVR will be filled with this fall. And! The Daily Show returns tonight! That is making me very happy. What are y’all looking forward to?

Lifetime, the television station that built its reputation on schlocky muumuu television, has begun to promote its hot new acquisition — Project Runway.

I’m guessing they’re hoping Project Runway will do for their station what the show did for Bravo — that is, completely transform and revitalize the network’s audience. So the new commercial tries to bring more dudes into the fold — specifically straight ones.

It’s a noble aim, but I can’t imagine middle-aged men in the locker room after racquetball arguing over who is the superior draper.

Best Dramas: Damages, True Blood, Mad Men, Terminator

Anything I could say about the first three shows has been said a million times before by every critic. They’re just good TV. As for Terminator, come on kids give it a chance! Shirley Manson as urinal-bot mom, awkward terminator humor (see Marissa’s #4), trips to Mexico for burritos… how can you go wrong?

Best International Reality Show: Project Runway Australia

I think the contestants in this version may have out polite-d the Canadian version. The show is very similar to the first season of the American version except the Tim Gunn guy looks like the old dude from the Six Flags commercials. The contestants are all loveable, and are even nice enough to pretend they’re interested in meeting Kelly Rowland. Sadly, Kristy Hinze as host is not as funny/scary as Iman but is comparable to Heidi Klum.

Best Unaired Commercial: AFSCME
My favorite Youtube discovery of ’08, audio NSFW.

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Best Shows To Catch Up On Your iPod

Dead Set – Also on Dan’s list, it’s just fun filler and more like a zombie movie broken up into 5 parts than an actual TV show.

Breaking Bad – It’s the dad from Malcolm in the Middle as a high school chemistry teacher who brews meth and uses Mr. Wizard-esque science against drug dealers. Bryan Cranston looks and acts identical to my high school chem teacher, right down to the moustache. No wonder he won an Emmy for outstanding lead actor in a drama.

Summer Heights High – Comedian Chris Lilley plays an obnoxious rich girl, an overdramatic drama teacher, and a Polynesian break dancer who all attend the same high school. The series ends with a Hamlet 2 style musical denouncing drugs and sluttiness and lauding the drama teacher for his work keeping kids clean. The show also contains an unusually large amount of penis graffiti (always a win in my book).

The Funniest 7 Minutes of a Music Themed Episode: Haven’t you heard?

What can I say, I’m an idiot who loves juvenile stuff. Here’s 7 minutes of The Bird Is The Word jokes (ignore the rest of the episode since it’s crap).

2008 saw a lot of great performances by whole bodies. Tina Fey couldn’t have told a lot of funny jokes if she hadn’t been able to say them with her mouth. And learned the lines by reading them with her eyes. And walked to the studio with her legs.

But there are some body parts that worked overtime this year, picking up the slack where other body parts just took up room (I’m looking at you Ellen Pompeo’s forehead!).

As such, let’s take a quick vote — which TV body part deserves recognition for its Outstanding Achievement in Being a TV Star Body Part? Let me know in the comments if I’ve left off a deserving part. Otherwise, going clockwise from the left…

Psst! I have a secret opinion about Project Runway that I’ve learned—the hard way—not to share in public. But the Internet doesn’t count as public, right? So I’m going to let all of you in on it.

First, let me say that I watch Project Runway knowing nothing about fashion. I came of age in the ’90s when grunge was in, boys and girls wore the same clothes (flannel), it was cool to say you got a bloodstained shirt at the Salvation Army for a dollar, and everybody looked like they were dressed in their PJ’s all the time—and I secretly hope that, with this whole economic-downturn thing, we’ll go back to those blissful days.

With that being said, are you ready for my secret? Even if it gets me in trouble with some of my fellow TiFaux writers?

Fine. here goes: I actually like Kenley.

Most people I know revile her. Yes, she’s pompous. Yes, she’s kind of a one-trick pony. Yes, I know she said something bad about Tim Gunn last time, which is the fashion equivalent of a cardinal (well, venial) sin.

In spite of all that, I still like her. The preview for this week looks like she’s about to get her comeuppance. I don’t know if that means she’ll be kicked off, or slapped on the wrist but kept around for drama. Either way, I might as well step in and defend her while I still can.

Here are the reasons that you Kenley-haters should lay off:

While self-respecting TV watcher has a mental note to set the TiFaux to tape Project Runway tomorrow evening (or watch it live while sober — something that is hard for me to pull of since Wednesday is bar trivia night), there is another Bravo original show on that night. As you probably realize, Shear Genius airs right alongside Project Runway and concludes its season on Wednesday.It’s hard for me to tell whether the two shows would synergize together or are simply too gay to be watched in succession (we all have our limits).

Depending on your level of will power/tolerance for reality TV, you may or may not have tuned in.  In any case, in these long summer months you can do worse than Shear Genius.

The content of the show isn’t nearly as interesting as Project Runway. Despite the enthusiasm the contestants muster for their craft, there are really only so many things you can do with a head of hair. Meanwhile, the possibilities are endless for the varieties of crazy-ass garments the designers on Project Runway can make. However, to make up for that fact — the contestants on Shear Genius are probably twice as bitchy as the average PR contestant.

Which brings us to our final three contestants who will show down on Wednesday:

• Charlie (right): Charlie is the most objectionable character of the season — an instigator of conflict. He’s what makes shows like this tic in that he combines his egocentric swagger with enough cattiness to rile up the rest of the contestants. He often sparred with departed contestant Nekisa who was both extraordinarily beautiful and out of her depth on the show.
• Dee (second from left): Dee has been my favorite from the start because she’s a cute little spitfire of a lesbian. The Miami resident often flirted with Nekisa (“Can somebody rub my back?”) and most famously won a competition where you had to match a dog’s haircut with its owner’s.
• Nicole (second from right): Young and brash, but also sensitive and defensive. Nicole hates Dee for some reason (and Dee hates Charlie and Charlie hates everyone). She’s been the dark horse for a while now.

We’ll see how it all turns out tomorrow night. The season has been pretty watchable, especially because of recently-booted Daniel’s legitimately ha-ha funny sense of humor and because the challenges were consistently surprising and inventive.

Jaclyn Smith is much like Heidi Klum in her role as host. First and foremost, her job is to look fabulous and exude an air of untouchability. Only after that does she really need to try to cobble together some words telling the contestants what the challenges are. She can occasionally pipe up with some opinions during the judging, but the professionals (namely animatronic stylist Kim Vo) usually overhwhelm her. Shear Genius’ Tim Gunn is Rene Fris, a famous Danish hairstylist. Despite the fact that his is extremely handsome at first glance, once he opens his mouth, the result is rather jarring — like the body of a dapper, trim dreamboat has been possessed by a gay European Muppet.

We haven’t talked much about the current season of Project Runway. Perhaps Bravo’s contempt and disinterest in the current season has spilled over on my affection for the series, but it’s actually a much more interesting season than last time.

For one, the designers are just a lot more annoying this time around. Well, maybe just Suede and Blayne. Between the unacceptable usage of the third person (although he’s really been consistent — you’ve got to give him that) and Blayne’s desperate attempts to try to enter “–licious” into the pop culture lexicon, they’ve really given previous seasons’ annoyances (PR3′s Angela, for instance) a run for their money.

There are a couple of people I’ve found myself rooting for rather passionately.

First up, there’s Keith. Rowr.

And in case you didn’t hear that, I said “Rowr.”

Between that tattoos, the beard and the ex-mormon kink factor (which doesn’t do it for me as much as other gays I know), he’s probably the hottest designer the show has ever known. I would say — and you can quote me on this — that he completely blows Rami out of the water. And Rami was way buffer. I’m glad Keith won this last episode, even though his dress was weird and peacocky.

The other person I love is Stella. Yes, I fucking love her.

Whenever she comes on the screen, she just cracks me the hell up. The constant discussion of “leathuh,” “black leathuh” and punk rock plus the pounding and hammering she does in the work room. Sometimes I wonder whether she has a fixation or just a really specific point of view (and what’s the difference between the two in this context?).  While she hasn’t nailed it every time, she’s managed to do pretty well staying true to her aesthetic.

Anybody else have favorites or non-favorites?

• Someone made a Battlestar Galactica toaster
• Joss Whedon: Serenity sequel isn’t happening
• Summer Glau talks about being a Terminator
• Bravo is scrambling to find a show to
• Open letter to NBC: Please let Knight Rider die in peace
• Because I love you: Watch Pete & Pete – The Call
• Photos from the first episode of Gossip Girl season 2
• Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter from The State
• Regis Philbin will make a cameo on How I Met Your Mother
• CBS is
• This day in lists: TV’s greatest catchphrases

DC’s reputation as a place with interesting and challenging creative people has always been wanting. You think DC, you think unimaginative suits, worn leather briefcases and haircuts with severe parts (lacquered with gel).

To tell you the truth, the reputation is going to get nothing but worse thanks to Lifetime. When Project Runway moves to Lifetime next season, it will be . I had never heard of it before, but the site appears to be part photo collage of drunken revelry, part social networking site and part message board. The site, which is closed to the unwashed masses, is only open to a super-preppy breed of white, rich Lacoste-y kids. Wonkette describes it thus: “that special mix of date rape, shitty beer, and racial homogeneity that is the Georgetown nightlife.”

So now, a show billed as DC’s version of The Hills will be inflicted upon my fair town. Let me say, while we are in no way an innocent city — we are a bitter and jaded city in our own right — this is one frontier I hoped we could avoid: exposing our vapid yuppie masses to the country at large. So, if you tune into the show post-Runway, you’ll be able to see the guys wearing khaki shorts cinched with a braided leather belt, with a pink polo with the collar up (yes… still!). And girls with their shimmery, vomit-caked tops, making out with their best girlfriends for attention.

And the music will be 3 Doors Down.

Oy. Is my snobbery growing by the minute?  Well, at least I’m owning it.

In any case, I’ll let the girls who will star in the show speak for themselves. The show will follow a quartet of young ladies including a gal named Krista (of course) who says this of the show: “It’s all going to be about our real lives. It’s going to be in the same vein of MTV’s ‘The Hills’ but ours is going to be more realistic.”

Here’s a Hulu preview of tonight’s episode of Project Runway.

Sorry, international folks. You’ll see the episode soon enough, though.