I’m trying to think of things less sexy than this.

I mean, you take a pretty hot guy like Zachary Quinto (whose brow and jaw are bizarrely prominent enough to take away any sort of classic Hollywood male beauty standard, but manages to achieve an offbeat, masculine charm) and to keep dousing him with milk over and over — it’s like some avant garde art installation.  Seems like there should be a dwarf playing the saw in the background.

So, what would make this less sexy?

By the way, this photo shoot was for the German GQ.  To which I say: of course it was.

DC’s reputation as a place with interesting and challenging creative people has always been wanting. You think DC, you think unimaginative suits, worn leather briefcases and haircuts with severe parts (lacquered with gel).

To tell you the truth, the reputation is going to get nothing but worse thanks to Lifetime. When Project Runway moves to Lifetime next season, it will be . I had never heard of it before, but the site appears to be part photo collage of drunken revelry, part social networking site and part message board. The site, which is closed to the unwashed masses, is only open to a super-preppy breed of white, rich Lacoste-y kids. Wonkette describes it thus: “that special mix of date rape, shitty beer, and racial homogeneity that is the Georgetown nightlife.”

So now, a show billed as DC’s version of The Hills will be inflicted upon my fair town. Let me say, while we are in no way an innocent city — we are a bitter and jaded city in our own right — this is one frontier I hoped we could avoid: exposing our vapid yuppie masses to the country at large. So, if you tune into the show post-Runway, you’ll be able to see the guys wearing khaki shorts cinched with a braided leather belt, with a pink polo with the collar up (yes… still!). And girls with their shimmery, vomit-caked tops, making out with their best girlfriends for attention.

And the music will be 3 Doors Down.

Oy. Is my snobbery growing by the minute?  Well, at least I’m owning it.

In any case, I’ll let the girls who will star in the show speak for themselves. The show will follow a quartet of young ladies including a gal named Krista (of course) who says this of the show: “It’s all going to be about our real lives. It’s going to be in the same vein of MTV’s ‘The Hills’ but ours is going to be more realistic.”

Glenn Beck… Please stop it.

No one thinks you’re being cute.

My most recent mental association with Scott Baio (and, of course, there are many) is the scene in that slightly devestating and oddly fascinating book about dudes who scam on women for sport, where a not very attractive but evidentally very skilled PUA (pick up artist) steals Scott’s woman out from under him at a bar. Who steals Chachi’s babe?

Wow, I can’t believe I just admitted I to reading The Game. Moving on.

It will SHOCK you to your very core to learn that Scott Baio is now 45 and still single. It will shock you slightly less to learn that VH1 is exploiting these factors in a reality show creatively titles “Scott Baio is 45… and Single.” I have no idea what to expect from this, but I’m hoping for a cross between So NoTorious and Lisa Loeb’s #1 Single.

Looks like I might be out of luck on that one.

T.R. — stop holding that dog like that on the cover of The Advocate. It’s totally weirding me out.

Jesus God, Billy Bush. Give it a rest.

See also: Lou Dobbs, Ty Pennington

Let me just get this out of the way first and foremost — I don’t listen to Fergie. I mean, she’s culturally unescapable and I was/am weirdly obsessed with that “My Humps” song, but, for the most part, the part of my brain that thinks about Fergie is so small it almost doesn’t exist.

But her latest video for “Big Girls Don’t Cry” caught my eye because it features none other than our favorite superpower absorbing, bang-tossing, niece-flirting, future-self-glowering Petrelli brother, Milo Ventimiglia.

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Not only are we treated to some weird, gigantic close-ups of Milo’s nipple, but he also pretends to play the guitar and has fake tattoos all up and down his arms. It’s truly outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous.

Plus, when he pairs with Fergie and wears those tattoos, they kind of seem like a more polished and marketable version of who was on The Surreal Life.

Watch it with the volume down and play the new single by The Go! Team on your iTunes instead.

We have a joke around here at TiFaux, and that joke is the incessant commenting on the Soaring Flying High School Musical post. It’s not even that amusing of a post. I’m kind of embarrassed by it, frankly. But I’m more embarrassed — and fascinated — by the reaction it’s gotten.

I know drawing attention to it will only make it stronger, but I can’t help it. And admit it — aren’t you a little curious how big it can get? Will it reach a hundred comments? Two hundred? When will the madness stop?

Here’s the story: Apparently if you google the words lyrics from the big number from High School Musical, this post is the first thing that comes up. So we at TiFaux are graced with the nation’s — and the world’s — fairly stupid youth.

Am I being harsh? Hard to say. When I was ten years old there was no internet to speak of, and even when I was fourteen there was no such thing as “blogging” or “comments,” so it’s impossible to know what I would’ve been like as a kid in the internet age.

But honestly. There’s no way we were that stupid.

It’s one thing to believe that somehow, this little blog is in communication with actor Zac Efron. We as adults know that the world doesn’t work that way; maybe kids just want to believe that he’s out there, waiting for him. I guess I can understand that.

It’s another thing entirely to leave your phone number in a comment on a blog in the hopes that Zac Efron will now call you. Please, don’t do that. Just don’t.

[You will note that we x'd out the numbers. No matter how stupid they are, I'm not going to be held responsible for some kid getting kidnapped.]

Not all of them are native English speakers, which means that they may not be great at grammar. That doesn’t mean they’re stupid — it’s the content of the posts that worry me, not the spelling. Writing a comment that just lists the lyrics of the song: That’s stupid. Asking Zac Efron for his MSN: That’s stupid. Calling everyone else on the post stupid: Also stupid, even though that’s what I’m doing now. (The comment-observer has become that commenter!)

It almost makes you nostalgic. Ah, to be a kid again. Too impatient to bother spelling out whole words. Quick to anger. Eager to love. Full of opinions, and the conviction that the world wants to hear them. It’s almost touching, if it weren’t kind of also scary.

I’ll leave you with my favorite of all the comments. There are so many priceless gems, it was hard to choose one. But this one stood out — for its simplicity, for its directness, for the fact that it’s in all caps. Enjoy!

Anonymus [sic]: “EVRY1 IS GAY CEPT ME.” [sic]

Poetry, isn’t it?

Ok, I hope none of you were part of this number. Apparently 1,478,000 people watched "The 1/2 Hour News Hour" on Fox News Channel last week. That's too many people. Even if you tuned in just to watch a train wreck, you're only encouraging them!

I'd just like to reiterate that I'm not offended as a liberal. I'm offended as someone who loves comedy. This should be something that liberals and conservatives can get together on. Don't encourage bad comedy just because you agree with the show's supposed ideology. Ideologically based comedy is a terrible idea to begin with. The Daily Show didn't set out to be liberal, it just ended up that way. And it doesn't hurt that there's been a conservative government in power. If a Democrat ends up president, The Daily Show will absolutely be making merciless fun of him or her.

So please. Don't watch this show. 

So, I had heard about Fox News' spin on The Daily Show, The Half Hour News Hour, and of course I thought it was gross.  Purely in theory it's gross.  But then I saw the real thing and it's just a hundred times worse than you could ever imagine.

Watch . And then, once you've prepared yourself, .

Okay.

You back?  Good.  You've got a little bit of vomit on your upper lip. 

First of all, the HHNH (almost the same name as a long-gone MTV show – The Half Hour Comedy Hour) is just not funny to an incredible degree and I feel like I can say that objectively.  If they had some sharp comedic digs for the left, I'd like to think that I could at least recognize it and take it in stride.  But no.  It's very Jay Leno-y schtick delivered by two unfathomaby smug anchors.

Much of the reason why the Half Hour News Hour isn't funny is because it lays bare the creators' fundamental misunderstanding of the other side.  Do liberals love cocaine?  I guess so, according to their portrayal. We also have some sort of fascination with gay penguins, I guess (or does just adding gay plus penguin equal comedy gold?).

I'm just waiting for them to scream "We hate gay people!  And Muslims!  Hell, we hate non-Christians!"  But you know it's not going to come to that.  They're just going to say everything but that. 

It'd be really easy to say that conservatives can't be funny.  Really easy.  But I don't know if I believe that.  What is clear, though, is that this show is not good from any standpoint.  If that is, in fact, the audience laughing during the segments, you can practically see their faces wincing from their strained over-laughing.