Hey, y’all. This is not about TV. Feel free to skip down to the Battlestar post.

Still here? Okay. I have a new blogging job. Someone is paying me to write about famous people and the famous or non-famous people they have intercourse with. If you enjoy my cranky rantings about Gossip Girl and affection for obscure sports, you might also enjoy reading what I write about famous people and their COMPLETELY FASCINATING romantic entanglements. Or you could just throw a poor blogger some traffic.

The site is YourTango. The blog is Celeb Love. Today I wrote about Cloris Leachman and everyone she nailed in the ’70s. It’s a brave new media world.

I’ve just upgraded our comment system slightly. You can now read or post comments directly from the home page. If you have an avatar, it won’t show up on the home page. I’m still working on that. You can also edit your own comments up to 15 minutes after posting.

Hi guys.

Dan here. Time for us to have a heart-to-heart.

Blogging’s no picnic. You’ve got to watch a lot of television and devote a lot of your mental energy in trying to think of new ways to dissect Project Runway. And when you want to have a post up every day, sometimes you end up with drunk-ish blogging after a couple glasses of wine (example) and that’s no help to anyone.

Did I mention the pay sucks?

That said, allow me to introduce our new news correspondent: John.

John is one of my DC friends who is responsible for introducing me to the wonders of Project Runway Canada and The IT Crowd (which I haven’t talked about here, but is quite good). He’ll be bringing you a more fleshed out news post in the morning — one that isn’t cobbled together in as short amount of time as possible. And is more than “[Person] talks about [show].”

I know you’ll give him a warm welcome.

I don’t know if you’ve read about this, but now you have.

There’s this dude in Ohio named Dan Miller. You know — just like me. And he’s because, apparently he’s going to be a rap star and this will help him in that effort. Side note: what the heck do I name my rap group now? Wu-Dan Clan? Ghostface Millah?

Anyways, I’ve decided to change my name to enhance my blogging career. Help me pick the best option.

None of these are attractive.

Nothing to see here.

Go open presents with your family.

I’ll be at the movies, seeing Juno with my brother and sister-in-law.

Hey kids. You know I love you right? But bloggers gotta rest too.

On that note, the day after Thanksgiving I’m hopping a plane to Portugal, so I won’t be around next week.

Most likely I’ll be strolling around the streets of Lisbon, trying to figure out where the gayborhood is, so I can take a Portuguese lover (people say that, right? “Take a lover”? But it’s mostly rich people who use those weird phrases… like “keep a home in the Hamptons.”). So we’ll see how that works out. Hopefully he won’t speak English, I won’t speak Portuguese, but we will be fluent in the language of love.

I’m totally joking by the way — I’m just going to be walking around and taking pictures with my straight girl traveling companion.

But I digress. Anyway, I’ll try to plan some time-delayed posts for next week. But, yeah, don’t expect much out of me.

The good news, though, is that I’ve recruited a guest blogger to do news for next week. My friend Jamie, who keeps up the movie review site Re-Media, will be providing you with your morning television briefing. And more, if he so desires. What can I tell you about Jamie: he lives outside Baltimore. He’s a vegan. He’s always carried a torch for Damon Albarn of Blur. He took me to see Van Helsing and I’ve never forgiven him. Although that was a long time ago and it could actually have been my idea.

So, we’ll see how this goes. Weeeeee!

Oh, and if we have any Portuguese readers (hey, it could happen) who would like to show us around, let me know.

Maggie did it last week, now it’s my turn. I’m in jury duty from tomorrow til whenever. So I’ll do my best to keep the masses happy. We’ll see how it goes.

But posting may be lighter than usual. You can fill the void by voting for us in the Weblog Awards. We’re totally losing by a mile.

Until then…[kml_flashembed /rFIB_CL_yLs" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

Since we’re doing this whole Friends of the Faux thing and we’re all coming together in the spirit of television, community and e-stalking, I thought it would also be a good idea to give TiFaux a MySpace presence.

I don’t really know what will happen there. Perhaps there will be a bulletin if we do something that’s particularly awesome. Perhaps we’ll post some exclusive content. Worst case scenario, you can just artificially inflate your friend number.

So, go ahead and visit us at . Add us so we don’t have to add you.

Oh, I doubt anyone’s posting tomorrow (Monday). Hopefully you don’t have to work either. If you do, you should really quit. Like, seriously.

In recent weeks a certain phrase has risen to #2 on the list of words people search for to get here. #1 on the list is “tifaux” which is not surprising. But #2 is now “lindsay lohan’s well-manicured lady parts” which is surprising, since a) this is not the kind of site that links to such things and 2) it’s so specific. I think MSN’s gossip column coined the phrase but I can’t say for sure. The top result on Google is someone else mystified by all you pervs. And it turns out we show up on the results list because Dan mentioned Lindsay Lohan in a funny headline once, and described a contestant’s fingernails on “Playing it Straight” as “too well manicured?” Both posts show up on the same page on “The Gays” category page. Google figures that’s close enough to a firecrotch shot.

Of course, now I’ve just made the problem worse. Oh well.

Here are the top 15 keywords:

1. tifaux
2. lindsay lohan’s well-manicured lady parts
3. casey “top chef” (We’re #56 for this search. Does Casey have a lot of time on her hands? Spoiler?)
4. soaring flying (natch)
5. tifaux “ip address” (this has been a favorite since the Tournament and all the IP Address discussion. I think it’s people trying to figure out what their Tifaux’s IP address is and not people still mad about the dirty Tournament cheaters. For me on NYC Time Warner Cable all that info is on channel 996.)
6. how tall is cj from top chef (He’s 6’8″ tall!)
7. tifaux.com
8. i hate carlos mencia (and who doesn’t?)
9. were soaring (again, no surprise here)
10. mythbusters hd (already discussed)
11. the hills season 2 episode 1
12. lindsay lohan’s well-manicured lady parts. (note the period at the end of the search. Some people make sure they use proper punctuation when searching for dirty pictures of celebrities)
13. how tall is cj on top chef (6’8″)
14. how tall is cj top chef (still 6’8″)
15. john krasinski shirtless

Okay, suckers, it’s my birthday. Do you know what that means?

What it means is that I’m going to write about whatever I want, no matter how tenuously it connects to the world of television. Basically, I’m going to talk about 1.) boys and 2.) rock and roll. If you recall, I did the same thing last year when I spotlighted Lost’s Charlie, Big Brother’s Kaysar and the room-decorating baldie Angelo Surmelis (ow, ow!), then I posted a now-expired YouTube clip of the Go! Team.

Contrary to popular belief, people don’t change. So here’s some more of the same.

Alright girls, first up, can we have a discussion of how hot Adrian Pasdar’s beard is? Admittedly, if you’ve seen him lately he’s looking a little Muqtada Al-Sadr, but when it’s properly groomed, look out! I’m guessing that even if I strap on a guitar and a blonde wig, he’s not likely to mistake me for Natalie Maines.

Hold up. You know, instead of turning this into Tiger Beat, like last year, and posting pictures of TV people who turn my head (for the record, like Aasif Mandvi or Josh Stamberg from Studio 60), I’ll make this post music heavy. That is, I’ll list a bunch of bands and YouTube clips and you can go ahead and glaze over. Sound like a plan? Okay.

First up, here’s a CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR VERSION of The Pipettes’ “Pull Shapes. Why are you not watching this? You cannot hate The Pipettes. Do you hate Christmas? Is that it? (full disclosure: I kind of hate Christmas a little bit, so you can say yes. It’s okay.)[kml_flashembed movie="/xj_SV49UdO8" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

This is a great older clip of The Raveonettes’ “Great Love Sound.” They keep trying to kill each other in it! [kml_flashembed movie="/WxKq5BxaaCc" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

Finally, there’s some pretty awesome YouTube footage of The Go! Team at the Glastonbury Festival. Here’s part one. There are a few more and they’re all like 9 minutes each.[kml_flashembed movie="/PDO-eYEjCyE" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

And if you haven’t taken the time to YouTube stalk Maria Bamford, here’s a clip of her that will win the heart of anyone who’s ever been a temp.[kml_flashembed movie="/wtLY6pa2zcY" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

Okay… that’s all. Bottoms up!