I’m hopping on a plane at 2:30.  Where could I be going?

• Hot Headline News anchor Thomas Roberts has left Headline News for gayer pastures.
• Ty Pennington arrested for DUI. Presumably, there was shouting involved.
• Amazing Race winners Eric and Danielle broke up.
• Medium has been renewed for next season. So has .
• Kristy Swanson talks about the Anna Nicole Law and Order, which airs tonight.
• It’s confirmed: babies love television. Guessing they have complicated feelings about Grey’s Anatomy too.
• 24′s latest casualty talks to TV Guide.
• The least interesting feud ever has come to an end on NAVY: NCIS. Again — I challenge you to name one viewer you know.
• Cheryl Hines says Curb Your Enthusiasm has wrapped its sixth and final season.
• Stephen Collins comments on whether or not the good Rev. Camden will die on 7th Heaven.
• Rob and Amber to ‘revolutionize’ reality TV. Please, everyone, stop encouraging them.
• Battlestar to add a new character in season four.
• Praise for New Adventures of Old Christine.
• Sketch comedy characters that should’ve been recurring according to the AV Club.

Not a lot of time for sassy asides today.

• Top Design ends tonight and Shear Genius begins.
• Paris and Nicole gave campers enemas on The Simple Life 5. Who are these parents?
• Danny Bonaduce’s wife has done the inevitable: filed for divorce.
• NBC has ordered six more episodes of Friday Night Lights.  I suppose this show must be good.
• Some dude from Smallville is .
• David and Patricia Arquette interview about being on Medium.
• Major league jerkface Arnold Schwarzenegger will be on Pimp My Ride.
• Bravo will have a new reality show about exes setting each other up on blind dates.
• New Ask Ausiello!  Good stuff on Grey’s and Lost.
• The Advocate speculates that Felix Gaeta on Battlestar is a big gay.
• Nigeria has its own Top Model show.
• In case you’re interested, the script for the pilot of I’m in Hell has leaked online.

It's between the Lack and the Oppli.  Any thoughts? 

• Rosie's taking on American Idol, saying the show's gone too far with their mean-spirited opening episodes.  And she calls out Paula as a big drunkie.
• Lauren Ambrose, Claire from Six Feet Under, had a baby!  How weird is that? 
• Fallout from Isaiah Washington's behavior continues.  Neil Patrick Harris wags his finger.  GLAAD wants to have a heart-to-heart. 
• MSNBC gives Medium way too much credit. 
• Like commercials in front of movies and the current president, Rachael Ray is something we're just going to have to learn to live with. 
• Judge Tom on Top Chef says he wanted to disqualify all of the contestants except Marcel after their behavior on the last episode.  Shut up, Judge Tom.  He's so grumpy all the time. 

News nuggets to get you through your mid-morning slump.

• Bindi Irwin, the crocodile hunter's daughter, is going to have a show of her own entitled Bindi, The Jungle Girl. The late Croc Hunter will appear in a few episodes filmed before his death.
• Taking a page from the Jude Law Book of Matrimony, seems like the husband of Dancing With the Stars' Sara Evans has been effing the nanny. Or so Sara says.  He denies anything ever happened.  However, this MSNBC article talks about the various gross Craigslist escapades of the former Republican congressional candidate (is anyone surprised?).
• Project Runway finalist Michael Knight is dating Brandy.  Yes, that Brandy. 
• You know which show I completely forgot existed?  Medium.  But it's coming back in November , lest you fear that you will be deprived of Patricia Arquette's stilted, dead-eyed acting.  (UPDATE: Holy shit! Who can pay attention to her acting when these things are shoved, front and center, into the camera!)
• Finally, this isn't actually news, but I just think it's funny that Maggie's post on High School Musical has continued to receive comment after comment months after it was posted. 

Patricia Arquette, just cut it out.  Will ya?

1. Item of clothing
2. Male celebrity
3. Liquid
4. Adjective
5. Body part
6. Verb
7. TV Show
8. Music group
9. Bodily function
10. Living things
11. Adverb
12. Adjective
13. Activity
14. Animal

Allison DuBois finds herself sweating profusely and running through the halls of an abandoned office building.  The walls are a stark white with each office door painted a shiny black.  She realizes that she's only wearing a (1_________)

A man in a trenchcoat and hat steps out of one of the offices and faces her.  He looks like a more sinister version of (2_________).

"Please help me!" Allison shouts.

The man opens his mouth as if to speak, but instead (3__________) drips out.  Allison screams.

Allison wakes up to see her husband sleeping soundly next to her.  She wears a befuddled/exasperated expression as the credits begin to roll.

The next morning, at breakfast, the girls are all (4_________).  Bridget complains that she doesn't want to go to school because her (5_________) hurts.  On top of that, Ariel says her book report isn't done and if she doesn't turn it in today, her teacher will (6_________) her.

"What are we going to do with these kids?" Allison says to no one in particular.

Joe finishes up washing the dishes and Allison scuttles the kids out, lanyard hanging from her neck.  The kids hop in the station wagon and chatter about last night's episode of (7_________).

Stopped at the intersection, Allison impatiently switches the radio to a (8_________) song and sings along loudly.  Out of the corner of her eye, she notices the crossing guard.  She jumps in her seat and (9_________).

It's the same guy from her dream!  Without even noticing that there are (10_________) crossing the street, she pulls forward to get a better look.  She puts the car in park and gets out approaching the man (11_________).

"Can I help you, ma'am?" he asks with a (12_________) smile.

"I know you," she says breathlessly.  "I saw you last night."

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about.  All I did last night was (13_________) with my wife and then go to bed."

Allison gives him a skeptical look.  Car horns honk behind her, and Bridget yells for Allison to get back in the car.  She gets back in, hesitantly, and drives on.

She looks in the rear view mirror, only to see the crossing guard looking right back and laughing like a (14_________).  A very menacing one at that.