Last night’s Top Chef featured a massive, incomprehensible brawl. I won’t give away any of the specifics, but suffice to say there was swearing and screaming and chair-throwing.

The haphazard and time-jumpy way it was edited naturally made me think of this. Start at 5 minutes and 30 seconds for the full effect. [kml_flashembed movie="/dQKxh4d95aY" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

Eerie, right?

And if someone could explain what the hell happened to those chefs, I’d be very grateful.

UPDATE: Here’s the clip from Top Chef (spoilers on that page) for comparison and research.

• Tyra Banks + Ashton Kutcher =
• Rosie O’Donnell + Fran Drescher = see above
• Alec Baldwin + David Hasselhoff = an episode of Dirt
• Friends + Gilmore Girls = a movie I’d watch half of

Eh, enough of that.

• Tim Gunn mentions they are working on Project Runway season 5!
• Instead of doing something noble like donating to charity, CBS uses Jericho nuts for Big Brother competition
• The Wire fans are tired of their friends with HBO On Demand snitchin’ about next week’s episode
• Heroes to begin filming in the near future

• ABC gets fined for showing some ass like 5 years ago
• How legit is Lost’s satellite phone? Experts weigh in
• Come on in! I made some iced tea! An interview with the actress from To Catch a Predator. The laundry basket and swivel chairs in the kitchen declined to comment.
• WTF! Idol expands the already dragged out portion of the show, bumping the new series by Gilmore Girls creator Amy Sherman-Palladino to a crappier timeslot
• Spoiler: Seems like
• Everyone’s shameful 90s obsessions are making a comeback: Saturday Night Live, , and (OK, nobody obsessed over her but lets play pretend)
• Writer’s strike forcing people to yuk it up on teh internetz lol

Sorry for no news yesterday.

• Best Week Ever blames Chris’ loss on Project Runway on weight discrimination.
• Go Fug Yourself presents a terrifying picture of Lost’s Elizabeth Mitchell.
• LC has broken. She admits that some scenes on The Hills are re-enactments.
• Kathy Griffin’s My Life On the D-List has begun production and will air in June!
• Reality TV is a beef in the writers’ strike. Meanwhile, the NY Times says the strike is now about respect. Meaning there will never be television again.
• Presidential candidates are perceived as getting off easy because there are no lame, easy jokes to be made by late night talk show hosts.
• Is Aliens in America trivializing Christianity with its new episode?
• NBC has made its midseason schedule featuring American Gladiators and Lipstick Jungle.
• People are supporting Cavemen.  Which is, apparently, still on the air.
• E-Kristin has a spoiler chat. And talks with Heidi Klum.
• Rory Gilmore’s gonna be in a movie with Paolo from Lost.
• Big Shots .
• Here are five potential premises for an Arrested Development movie.
• Kristen Bell in a gold bikini.

I’m really good at that.

• Andre Royo previews season five of The Wire.
• CBS will start airing scripted Showtime shows, including an edited version of Dexter.
• Will networks run scripted shows into the summer?
• Carson Daly is defending himself .
• A new Ask Ausiello has scoop on Lost and Gilmore Girls (!).
• The Rachael Rae Knife Store sounds like something could go awfully wrong.
• Carlton Cuse won’t work on Lost til the strike ends.
• Producers are mulling a settlement from the WGA.
• Tina Fey and Paula Abdul are .
• NBC has, stupidly, .
• Tila Tequila denies vicious rumors of heterosexuality.

Three cheers for the Buckeye State!

• Whoopi talks to TV Guide about her new gig on The View.
• Here’s some info on Charlotte and Russell — two new faces on Lost.
• Two women we love: Amy Sherman-Palladino on Parker Posey.
• Drew Carey’s going to have to clean up that potty mouth.
• Steven Bochco’s will have Jane Kaczmarek and Zack Morris.
• Project Runway 4 just finished filming!!! And Tim Gunn says it was their most talented crew yet, but isn’t he kind of required to say that?
• Mathew St. Patrick (aka Keith from Six Feet Under) will .
• Would you watch a Red Sox dating show? I guess I’d watch it sooner than a Yankees show.
• I just looked at this picture of the complete Gilmore Girls DVD box set and I grew a vagina.
• The Closer got renewed for a fourth season.
• Someone won that American Inventor show.

His campaign slogan should be: He’s Irish and he’s pissed.

• There will be no Exile Island on the next season of Survivor. Good. That stunt was played out.
• The Decemberists’ Colin Meloy will guest star on Lil Bush.
• If we weren’t sure that Amy Sherman-Palladino was one of us, she is now. She got wasted on the night of the Gilmore Girls finale and didn’t watch it.
• America’s Next Top Model .
• Tina Fey’s parents love 30 Rock.
• Is The Winner after all?
• Big Love .
• 10 TV shows that should be films.
• Heidi and Spencer from The Hills talk to E!
• Pirate Master got its timbers shivered.
• CSI casting news.
• The top 10 list of highest-paid TV stars is surprising. Certainly not number one, but you’ll shit yourself at number five. Somebody’s agent needs a raise.
• The winner of the Next Food Network Star talks to TV Guide.
• Information is trickling in about the next season of Heroes.

I’m tying a giant ice cube on top of my head as we speak.

• Gordon Ramsay from Hell’s Kitchen talks to TV Guide.
• As does Holly Hunter, about her new show Saving Grace. Holly Hunter = slumming it?
• Cherry Jones will be the new president on 24.
• Jack Black, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert will be on The Simpsons next season.
• The Television Critics Awards bestow honors on The Sopranos and NBC.
• Anyone watch Bones? Here’s some info on next season.
• The Soup’s Joel McHale gabs with E!.
• If it comes to this — you can watch the season premieres of Monk and Psych online.
• A profile of SNL’s Andy Samberg.
• What Would Bob Odenkirk TiVo?
• Gilmore Girls’ Scott Patterson had a deal that kept him on the CW.
• Scott Baio and Bret Michaels: oy.
• For some reason, NBC is .
• Did Emmy rob Tracy Morgan?
• Dawn Ostroff .

The home team always gets slaughtered. It’s a tradition.

• Watch Anderson Cooper permanently stain his career as host of The Mole all this week on FOX Reality.
• Something strange is afoot with one of the selected households for Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
• Scott Patterson from Gilmore Girls already has a new show on The CW.
• Time to throw out all that “Padma and Salman” stationary. The couple’s calling it quits.
• Nathan Fillion and Dana Delaney .
• TV Gal suggests new roles for old actors.
• Bloc Party’s on Carson Daly tonight, Elvis Costello’s on Letterman on Friday and Placebo will be on Henry Rollins on Friday.  More music on TV here.
• According to E!, shows that will not get Emmy nominations in their respective show categories include Battlestar, Big Love, Everybody Hates Chris, How I Met Your Mother, Rescue Me and Veronica Mars.
• E-Kristin has a spoiler chat involving Heroes, Grey’s, etc.
• MTV movies might air on the network first.

Quilt + The View + orange juice + blogging = the road to recovery.

• .
• Jericho will be .
• Has the Hells Kitchen winner ?
• The usual people are complaining about diversity problems on TV.
• about The Sopranos’ latest episode.
• Television Without Pity forecasts Gilmore Girls fates.
• No one knows if Edie’s alive or dead on the Desperate Housewives set.
• Thundercats will be a live-action movie.
• A Jimmy Kimmel game show called Set for Life is being taken off ice.