Last week on Friday Night Lights, Tim became an assistant coach for the East Dillon Lions, while Coach struggled to scrape together funds for his scruffy team. Matt learned that art is about being a miserable, unbathed recluse, which understandably freaked Julie out. Buddy Garrity went off the reservation re: the Panthers under the odious thumb of Revoltin’ Joe McCoy. Vince, Landry, and Luke continued to flail about on the ragtag Lions team. And now, on to episode four, Dillon: A New Hope.

Happy Thanksgiving to our Canadian readers (and half of Maggie). We are thankful for you (and just a little tiny bit late). We hope you had pie and poutine and roasted caribou or whatever your traditional dishes are. In celebration, enjoy your fellow Canadian Ellen Page doing a new spin on :

I found it disconcerting when I met Katie a few months ago and discovered that she was, in fact, corporeal. After all, prior to that meeting (at a dangerously heterosexual sports bar in D.C.), we’d been cultivating an internet relationship for the past year and a half or so, via blog comments, mass e-mails and crazy mix-CD extravaganzas.

We’ve decided to get married. We’re having a small ceremony in Cape Cod in June of ’08.

We hope you all can join us.

Vitals

Name: Katie
Location: Brooklyn
Web Site: I’m pretty sure my LiveJournal is too boring to really qualify, so I’m going to go with none.
What’s your story?: I have so many stories. See the below answer to find out why.
What do you do during the day?: I work in School and Library Marketing for a children’s book publisher. Hooray for the Harry Potter love among TiFaux commenters!
How do you know about TiFaux?: I knew Maggie and Cristin and Kyle before they were famous Weblog award-nominated TV writers. And I stalk Dan on the Internet.
Why are you so interesting?: I have a really strange imagination and a tendency to say pretty much exactly what I’m thinking.

Favorites

Movie: I’m going to go with a selection of treasured films of my past — Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Adventures in Babysitting, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and, of course, the film that basically made Cristin and I friends, Labyrinth. You remind me of the babe. You know, the one with the power?
Music: I like old music like Carole King and The Beatles and Fleetwood Mac and new music like Death Cab for Cutie and Rilo Kiley and The Hold Steady.
Book: My favorite book of all time is From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E.L. Koningsburg. An easy answer to a very hard question.
Food: I like cheese. And popcorn. And limes to go with my gin.
Web Site (besides TiFaux — don’t be a kissass): Would it be kissass to say I really like the personal blogs of the TiFauxers? If so, my other answer is Evite.com. Seriously, I run my life via Evite. [ed note: It could be slightly kissassy, but I'll let it slide because I'm a whore for compliments.]

Television

The best show currently on television is: Heroes. Or 30 Rock. Or The Office.
But my all-time favorite is: This is hard. I really liked Lost first season (not that I dislike it now, but you know, it’s gone down hill.) I also enjoyed Dawson’s Creek for reasons best not explored. And Six Feet Under. And, of course, Gilmore Girls (what, what, Maggie’s Dad!)
I’m pained to admit it, but the show I secretly love is: My love for Degrassi is nothing to be ashamed of.
Whose shit are you sick of?: I agree with everyone’s answers thus far. I also really, really, loathe Ryan Seacrest.
Most cherished childhood television memory: “Pinwheel, pinwheel, spinning around. Look at my pinwheel and see what I’ve found.”
Which TV character/personality would you most like to have a tryst with?: Pacey from Dawson’s Creek. Circa season three.
Kill, boff, marry — Jack Shepherd (Lost), Peter Petrelli (Heroes), Michael Bluth (Arrested Development): Kill Bluth, Boff Jack, Marry Peter. Can I pick other people from these same shows? ‘Cause I’d totally marry George Michael.
Kill, boff, marry — Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica), Heidi Klum (Project Runway), Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother): My answers are uninformed by the actual watching of these programs, but here goes: Kill Heidi, Boff Starbuck, Marry Alyson.

Vitals

Name: Tom the Dog
Location: Ojai, CA
Web Site: Tom the Dog’s You Know What I Like?
What’s your story?: It’s that old, familiar story. A fight for love and glory. A case of do or die. Plus I frickin’ love TV.
What do you do during the day?: Nada mucho. Watch TV, fight some crime.
How do you know about TiFaux?: I’m honestly not sure. Another blogger linked you, I think, probably Crocodile Caucus, and I was hooked.
Why are you so interesting?: I’m two degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. I can do a killer Kermit the Frog impression. I’ve already been on 1 Vs. 100 (as a member of the Mob; I won $6,143), and I’m auditioning for Merv Griffin’s Crosswords tomorrow. I’m as handsome as the day is long. All those things are true.

Favorites

Movie: Casablanca. And RoboCop, of course.
Music: The Who, Who’s Next. Not just the greatest album ever made; the greatest anything, ever.
Book: Kurt Vonnegut, Cat’s Cradle. Stephen King, The Stand . P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters. Dr. Seuss, The Lorax.
Food: Maui Sweet Onion potato chips. Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby. In & Out’s Double Double combo. Sierra Nevada beer.
Web Site (besides TiFaux — don’t be a kissass): The AV Club. Mike Sterling’s Progressive Ruin. Electronic Cerebrectomy. Achewood.

Television

The best show currently on television is: Man, that is tough. I might have to go with The Daily Show. Also Battlestar Galactica and 30 Rock.
But my all-time favorite is: Deadwood is a recent candidate, but if I’m truly picking one all-time fave, how could it not be The Simpsons?
I’m pained to admit it, but the show I secretly love is: Since I gave up on Two and a Half Men, I don’t really have a secret shame show. I guess New Adventures of Old Christine is about as close as it gets. I watch good TV.
Whose shit are you sick of?: Whoopi Goldberg. Being sick of her shit is kind of a running theme on my blog.
Most cherished childhood television memory: Being shocked by Hawkeye saying “son of a bitch” on the finale of M*A*S*H. Singing along to the theme song of Underdog. Watching R-rated movies that I wasn’t allowed to watch at home on cable at friends’ houses, and subsequently being deeply scarred by The Shining at a very tender age.
Which TV character/personality would you most like to have a tryst with?: So very, very many. Kari Byron of Mythbusters comes to mind first. As far as fictional characters… Robin on How I Met Your Mother, or Eliot on Scrubs.
Kill, boff, marry — Jack Shepherd (Lost), Peter Petrelli (Heroes), Michael Bluth (Arrested Development): Can I please just kill that goddam Jess from Gilmore Girls?
Kill, boff, marry — Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica), Heidi Klum (Project Runway), Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother): Tough choice. But I gotta go with kill Alyson, boff Heidi, marry Katee. If you’re going strictly by characters, it’s gotta be marry Heidi (is she really a “character”?) and boff Starbuck, because I know the heart of a space fighter pilot is just too wild to be tamed by marriage! Wow, that really ends things in a pathetic, nerdy fashion, doesn’t it?

What can I say about Lee?

Lee must be experienced to be believed.

Vitals

Name: Lee Harper
Location: New Yawk Ceety
Web Site: http://itsinthedreams.livejournal.com – I guess is the closest I have. It hasn’t been updated in a while.
What’s your story?: Oh, I’ll always have a story for you.
What do you do during the day?: All day I sit in front of a computer on top of a metal desk making web sites, listening to music with headphones on in an office filled with smelly boys near the Empire State Building and Ktown.
How do you know about TiFaux?: Back in college, Dan was the president of my fraternity. One day I actually read some of his writing in the school’s paper and learned that he was color blind. I asked him many, many questions about this phenomenon. Friendship obviously bloomed leading to a hottt, passionate lust affair. Well that is until the day he told me he was gay on the way to a concert we didn’t have tickets for. Wait, what was I talking about? [ed note: I have no recollection of this confession, although I remember the concert.]
Why are you so interesting?: I kind of have a bad case of ADD so I zip and rotate through many odd interests, activities, adventures and terrible boyfriends.

Favorites

Movie: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, A League of Their Own
Music: Sigur Ros, LCD Soundsystem, Cat Power – could go on forever. Oh yeah, freshman year Dan let me play a song on his radio show – inspiring me to become my own pretentious college radio DJ a couple years later.
Book: On The Road has still held true, Everything Is Illuminated, Middlesex
Food: God I miss Southern food. Pimento cheese, macaroni and cheese, bbq with coleslaw, corn puddin, etc.
Web Site (besides TiFaux — don’t be a kissass): whiskerino.org (“Lee why are you looking at guys with beards all day at work?”)

Television

The best show currently on television is: Little known fact – I do not have cable and read more about tv than I actually watch (unless Cristin’s roommate is nice and lets me watch their DVR’d shows). Or shows off the internet! Weeds is my final answer.
But my all-time favorite is: Pete and Pete from Nickelodeon.
I’m pained to admit it, but the show I secretly love is: Desperate Housewives
Whose shit are you sick of?: Fucking American Idol!!!!! (The French version – Nouvelle Star – is even worse)
Most cherished childhood television memory: The golden years of Nickelodeon. (I will be playing touch football on the same team as ferg face! And I’m getting my friend an autographed photo of Mo from Guts!)
Which TV character/personality would you most like to have a tryst with?: Jim from The Office
Kill, boff, marry — Jack Shepherd (Lost), Peter Petrelli (Heroes), Michael Bluth (Arrested Development): I think I’m the only American who does not watch Lost.
Kill, boff, marry — Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica), Heidi Klum (Project Runway), Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother): I’d kill Hannigan (I always hated that stupid “One time in band camp” quote), I’d have a hott, passionate lust affair with Heidi, and I guess marry whoever the last chick is.

Cass has been around for a few months now, chiming in on Top Chef, etc. She runs a blog called Starred Review, where she writes reviews of completely disparate things/experiences/people. It’s really great idea for a blog.

And here she goes…

Vitals

Name: cass
Location: brooklyn, ny
Web Site: www.starredreview.blogspot.com
What’s your story?: a friend and i write content for our review blog in our spare time, and we talk about tv endlessly
What do you do during the day?: writing a novel
How do you know about TiFaux?: eek, i can’t remember. but i probably hooked up to you guys through televisionary.blogspot.com
Why are you so interesting?: this question stresses me out too much to answer, i’m way too modest and shy…and interesting

Favorites

Movie: real genius, i heart huckabees, the goonies (never gets old)
Music: andrew bird, iron & wine, rosie thomas, cat power
Book: extremely close and incredibly loud, you shall know our velocity, east of eden, on the road
Food: m&m blizzards, egg/ham/cheese crepes, risotto
Web Site (besides TiFaux — don’t be a kissass): cutewithchris.com, iguessimfloating.blogspot.com, thesartorialist.blogspot.com, gofugyourself.typepad.com, fashioni.st

Television

The best show currently on television is: it’s always sunny in philadelphia
But my all-time favorite is: gilmore girls before amy left
I’m pained to admit it, but the show I secretly love is: one tree hill (it’s so bad it’s entertaining in its badness)
Whose shit are you sick of?: paris and LiLo
Most cherished childhood television memory: staying up late and sitting on the floor of my parents bedroom to watch the cagney & lacey episode where lacey had her baby.
Which TV character/personality would you most like to have a tryst with?: ben (scott speedman) from felicity
Kill, boff, marry — Jack Shepherd (Lost), Peter Petrelli (Heroes), Michael Bluth (Arrested Development): kill michael, marry jack and boff peter
Kill, boff, marry — Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica), Heidi Klum (Project Runway), Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother): kill starbuck (i don’t watch BG), boff heidi and marry lilly

A long time ago, in a land far away, Sara and I spent a lot of time together in a basement in the wee hours of the morning. Sara and I competed for the title of “most opinionated” on the staff of the student newspaper. At least as far as entertainment was concerned.

And look at us now!

Vitals

Name: Sara Brady
Location: Manhattan
Web Site: http://wmetoile.livejournal.com
What’s your story?: Goodnight, Moon
What do you do during the day?: Watch the Food Network, look for jobs.
How do you know about TiFaux?: I went to college with Cristin and Dan.
Why are you so interesting?: I’m hilarious, dammit.

Favorites

Movie: West Side Story
Music: Britpop
Book: I have a lot. Briefly: His Dark Materials, William Goldman’s screenplays, pretty much everything Nora Roberts has written in the past ten years, all of Dan Savage’s books, Sheri Holman’s The Dress Lodger, and The Gourmet Cookbook.
Food: Pasta
Web Site (besides TiFaux — don’t be a kissass): Jezebel.com

Television

The best show currently on television is: Battlestar Galactica
But my all-time favorite is: M*A*S*H
I’m pained to admit it, but the show I secretly love is: Bridezillas
Whose shit are you sick of?: Spencer Pratt’s — Shonda Rhimes
Most cherished childhood television memory: Watching Roadrunner cartoons with my younger brothers.
Which TV character/personality would you most like to have a tryst with?: Jim Halpert. Duh. Or Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs.
Kill, boff, marry — Jack Shepherd (Lost), Peter Petrelli (Heroes), Michael Bluth (Arrested Development): Kill Jack, boff Michael, marry Peter. Because that way I can accidentally kill Peter and marry Nathan.
Kill, boff, marry — Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica), Heidi Klum (Project Runway), Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother): Kill Alyson/Lily, boff Starbuck, marry Heidi. I bet Heidi makes a mean spaetzle. And she certainly won’t be eating any.

Good Michael R. has been around TiFaux for quite a while. I was always excited about his comments, especially in the early days, because I was pretty sure no one from TiFaux knew him — making it seem like this blog is regularly read by people other than our friends.

He works at DHS, which means he could conceivably work in the office across the street from me. Which would be weird.

Vitals

Name: Michael R.
Location: Washington, DC
Web Site: N/A
What’s your story?: Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel. Oh, you mean “my” story. Not much to it. Just another gay guy who likes TV-related websites.
What do you do during the day?: I work in the bureaucracy of a large component of a Federal Government department in charge of “Homeland” Security.
How do you know about TiFaux?: Not sure when I first discovered the wonder of TiFaux. Some time in the past 12 months?
Why are you so interesting?: Because I am me. More seriously, probably because I find so much of the world around me interesting.

Favorites

Movie: 2001: A Space Odyssey
Music: Pet Shop Boys/The Smiths
Book: The Amazing Adventures of Cavalier and Klay by Michael Chabon
Food: Pasta
Web Site (besides TiFaux — don’t be a kissass): Daily Kos

Television

The best show currently on television is: Heroes
But my all-time favorite is: Thirtysomething (really!) or Star Trek
I’m pained to admit it, but the show I secretly love is: Mama’s Family
Whose shit are you sick of?: Paris/Lindsey/Britney
Most cherished childhood television memory: Captain Kangaroo
Which TV character/personality would you most like to have a tryst with?: Milo Ventimiglia as Jess from Gilmore Girls
Kill, boff, marry — Jack Shepherd (Lost), Peter Petrelli (Heroes), Michael Bluth (Arrested Development): Kill Bluth, Boff Shepherd, Marry Petrelli
Kill, boff, marry — Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica), Heidi Klum (Project Runway), Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother): Kill Klum, Boff Starbuck, Marry Hannigan

Look, everyone! It’s fellow blogger Liz from Glowy Box! I recommend checking out her site, which she runs with co-conspirator Lori, and incorporating it into your obsessive blog-checking rituals, as it is pretty consistently hilarious.

Vitals

Name: Liz
Location: DC
Web Site: http://www.glowybox.blogspot.com
What’s your story?: Having been denied television as a child, I became a full-blown TV addict in college and now use my blog to justify that addiction.
What do you do during the day?: Fight evil.
How do you know about TiFaux?: I followed the link from Televisionary.
Why are you so interesting?: Wait, you never said we had to be interesting to fill this out…

Favorites

Movie: Grease 2
Music: The Decemberists
Book: If I say Harry Potter 3, will you guys respect me less? [ed note: Liz, meet Cristin. Cristin, meet Liz.]
Food: Anything with soy cheese.
Web Site (besides TiFaux — don’t be a kissass): Right now I guess it’s passiveaggressivenotes.com. I mean, um, Glowy Box, totally.

Television

The best show currently on television is: I will take your use of the word “currently” literally, since it makes for a much easier decision: Flight of the Conchords. I also love Frisky Dingo on Adult Swim.
But my all-time favorite is: Dead heat between Arrested Development and The X-Files.
I’m pained to admit it, but the show I secretly love is: America’s Next Top Model.
Whose shit are you sick of?: Mark Feuerstein. Always.
Most cherished childhood television memory: Childhood? Television? I wish.
Which TV character/personality would you most like to have a tryst with?: I know it’s such an obvious, lame choice, but honestly? Mike from Desperate Housewives. James Denton is just too hot to pick anyone else over him.
Kill, boff, marry — Jack Shepherd (Lost), Peter Petrelli (Heroes), Michael Bluth (Arrested Development): Uh-oh, I don’t actually watch Lost (GASP!), so I’m going to have to say marry Michael Bluth, boff Jack Shepherd based on looks alone, and kill Peter Petrelli.
Kill, boff, marry — Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica), Heidi Klum (Project Runway), Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother): Hmm…I don’t really swing that way, but if I did, I’d most certainly marry Lily, boff Heidi Klum, and kill Starbuck, since I don’t watch BSG and thus lack emotional attachment to that character.

TiFaux is not necessarily a stranger to parental visitation. But over the past several months we’ve welcomed multiple comments from a certain chatterbox who is responsible for a) a wealth of opinions on the works of Aaron Sorkin, and b) half of Maggie’s genetic information.

Below, read as he dotes over his Gilmores, hates on the commander-in-chief and then, um, calls me “Sweetie.”

Vitals

Name: Maggie’s Dad
Location: Chicago – Mag Mile
Web Site: Unaffiliated
What’s your story?: West Side
What do you do during the day?: Avoid work by checking out TiFaux
How do you know about TiFaux?: You get one guess.
Why are you so interesting?: I think it’s genetic.

Favorites

Movie: Just one? It has to be “Citizen Kane”…or “Camera Noise”.
Music: Today? Trey Anastasio ‘Alive Again’
Book: I assiduously avoid these…
Food: Artichoke w/Mayonnaise
Web Site (besides TiFaux — don’t be a kissass): iTunes

Television

The best show currently on television is: For three more weeks: GG
But my all-time favorite is: The West Wing
I’m pained to admit it, but the show I secretly love is: I’m proud of all my indulgences and I can’t keep secrets.
Whose shit are you sick of?: George W. Bush!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most cherished childhood television memory: Dinah Shore’s kiss. What a hottie!
Which TV character/personality would you most like to have a tryst with?: Oh Lorelai…
Kill, boff, marry — Jack Shepherd (Lost), Peter Petrelli (Heroes), Michael Bluth (Arrested Development): No killing for me – as for the rest: Sorry sweetie, this is just too gay for me. OK, if I have to – Jack.
Kill, boff, marry — Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica), Heidi Klum (Project Runway), Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother): OOOHHHHH Heidi!!!! As long as she doesn’t speak.