Not that you didn’t know this,  but TiFaux has a store up in the right-hand corner of your screen.  Right above our fetching Twitter feed.  We have a collection of t-shirts that fit every frame and, with the holidays around the corner, if you’re like me you really want to make your loved ones say “What does this mean?” when they unwrap their gifts.

That said, we’ve definitely neglected one of our largest readership demographics: infants. And on that note, we have a wonderful new onesie available for purchase. It reads “TiFaux is my Babysitter” and incongruously features an old-timey TV set.

Spreadshirt Market Place Product

Babysitter Onesie

In the 21st century, DVR will enable children will be able to take care of themselves in a whole new way — catching up on days-old shows or re-watching Dora the Explorer. All you have to do is leave out some Cheerios and a bowl of water and you have an instant babysitter!

Buy up!  Commerce!

Recently this Web site run by the Nielsen company — Hey Nielsen — sent us an e-mail asking for our feedback on a variety of shows that are starting up this fall. They didn’t choose to spotlight any of my insightful comments, but it’s an honor just to be asked. I suppose.

Here are the results. You can read all of my comments by and then searching down the page for TiFaux. That’s something for you to do at work, eh?  After that, maybe you can go see if there are any muffin scraps in the conference room.

My hope is that they will use this as a repository for networks to try to hype their new slates and somehow we’ll see TiFaux comments on promotional materials. Probably not, though because (surprise, surprise) I didn’t have a lot of effusive praise to give out.  It was mostly limited to me saying that True Blood might not suck if they re-shoot the pilot and Joshua Jackson is a hottie.  And they hardly need me to say any of those things.

You can if you haven’t already.

There are no real benefits to this as of yet, but know that it’ll make me feel special. And wanted.

And isn’t that reason enough?

Love,

DAN

Here’s a fun utility created by OnePlusYou that does exactly what you might expect — it scans the pages of your blog and sees how big of a potty mouth you are.

Apparently, we need our mouths cleaned out with soap — like I think they did in the 1950s.

I am kind of surprised that we are “high” in the cussing department, but if they count “hell,” “damn” and “ass” then I suppose it’s not the most shocking thing in the world. There’s a part of me that just wants to unnecessarily add swear words to old posts to bring that number through the roof.

You know, I hate it when people get on their high horses and bring out the old “If you can’t say something without swearing, then you aren’t very well spoken” line of reasoning.

Well — fuck that. Many of my favorite punchlines incorporate colorful language and while I try to tone  it down for our readership (notice my use of the word “eff” in the post about The Office below), I’ll continue to break out the naughty language if the shoe fits.

Or, fine… don’t. See what I care.

I started a a while ago. It was, I think, just around the time people started fleeing that Web site like rats from a burning building. Now that Facebook reigns supreme, it’s time to see how many people decide to join this new group.

If you want to e-stalk me and other people who have been known to frequent our beloved blog, join us .

I’ve gotten in trouble before for being a spoiler. It happens when you’re a TV blogger.

Part of me, the devil-may-care, cavalier blogger says — screw it, if you don’t want to get spoiled on something, don’t effing check the TV blogs. The other part of me (the dominant part, to be sure) is a people-pleaser, desperate for approval and terrified of conflict.

As John posted earlier, New York magazine did an article on the “statute of limitations” for spoilers. They made a chart about it to accompany the article — you guys know what a boner I have for a good chart — and I have screen-shot, cropped, uploaded and posted it below.

So, what do you think?

The most controversial part of this is probably the first row, where they basically give you a free pass to shout from the rooftop who gets kicked off Project Runway as soon as Heidi gives the ol’ double cheek kiss.

Having gotten in trouble before (repeatedly, in fact) for spoiling this very show, I have to say that the viewing public disagrees. I think there should be a 24-hour buffer for people who DVRed the show because they “had a thing” or “got caught up” or “got wasted immediately after work.” Even event television like La Runway has to be missed every once in a while and no one likes to get spoiled.

This is where I open up the floor to you…

Recently, TV Blog Coalition member Scooter recently sent out a call for TV bloggers to submit their lists of the top ten TV characters currently on TV. No old folks (not even recent favorites Veronica Mars and Arrested Development) and no one from unscripted TV.

Here’s my list, complete with rationales. I realize that I probably have some glaring omissions, considering there are quite a few critically-hailed shows I don’t watch (so feel free to submit your “what abouts” in the comments)

10. Jack Donaghy – 30 Rock

For this list, I tried to limit myself to one character per show. However, 30 Rock is the one show that has two representatives (this and number seven). The first reason for this is because I don’t know that I watch enough shows to make this a definitive list (although, to be sure, I do watch more TV than is really recommended). The second is that there are so many great characters on 30 Rock it was hard to pick just one. Jack Donaghy isn’t necessarily the most imaginative character (power mad CEO), but between his one-liners (on Liz calling herself a businesswoman: “I don’t think that’s actually a word.”) and his brooding portrayal by Alec Baldwin — it’s just a great role.

9. Noah Bennett – Heroes

Noah’s probably the one character on Heroes that I can’t quite make my mind up about. I hate him sometimes, sometimes I’m rooting for him. And that’s the way he’s written. Regardless, he’s easily the most complicated character on the show.

8. Nick George – Dirty Sexy Money

There are so many wacky characters on Dirty Sexy Money that the one who stands out is the straight man — the protagonist, Nick. There way he responds to the characters around him, all tugging him in their own directions, is one of the best parts of the series.

7. Kenneth the Page – 30 Rock

When I think of Kenneth the Page, I associate him with pure joy. He’s so sweet and weird (not drinking coffee or other hot beverages because they’re at the “devil’s temperature”) — it makes him one of the funniest characters in recent TV memory.

6. Ben Linus – Lost

There are a lot of possibilities for the most interesting character on Lost, but you really can’t get away from Ben. Between Michael Emerson’s dead-eyed portrayal and the seemingly never-ending well of secrets he possesses, Ben is the source of never-ending mystery.

5. Starbuck – Battlestar Galactica

The obvious choice for Battlestar. I’m not going to say anything about this because I’m sure I don’t know the half of it (I’m six episodes from the end of season three — don’t spoil me, even though I know crazy shit goes down).

4. Nancy Botwin – Weeds

Nancy Botwin is probably one of the most complicated characters on television. She makes mind-blowingly awful decisions sometimes, usually motivated out of desperation, but she embodies both strength and weakness

3. Olive Snook – Pushing Daisies

The way I see it, Olive is really the strongest independent character on Pushing Daisies. You’ve got the romantic leads, Ned and Chuck — and while they have clever dialogue and interesting personalities, they’re too caught up in each others’ orbits to really show too much eccentricity. And Emerson is primarily there as both a driving force for the plot and a sour counterbalance to the happy couple’s ultra-sugary romance. Olive is the one character who could really just not be there at all from a plot standpoint. But, as a result, she compensates in quirk. Kristin Chenowith sells the hell out of her, between the singing and the endearing, tiny cutesiness.

2. Dwight Schrute – The Office

Pam and Jim are too cute and ordinary. Michael is too obvious. Phyllis and Stanley are too minor. Dwight is the most original character on The Office. He’s a little terrifying, especially because you probably knew someone exactly like him in high school (or, God forbid, right now). But he’s in his own world that, even though you don’t know anything about it — you know exactly where he’s coming from.

1. Dexter Morgan – Dexter

I chose Dexter as my top character — a decision that I surprised myself with. I think I chose him because he challenges viewers like few other shows on TV. You can’t really back him 100 percent, but you always root for him. During the second half of season two it was like his house of cards was falling, but you couldn’t stop rooting for him — even when the monster within him was bubbling to the surface.

Those were my answers — here are what I and my fellow bloggers decided on for the master list.

1. Kara “Starbuck” Thrace (Battlestar Galactica)
2. Tami Taylor (Friday Night Lights)
3. Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother)
4. Benjamin Linus (Lost)
5. Dexter Morgan (Dexter)
6. Coach Eric Taylor (Friday Night Lights)
7. Landry Clarke (Friday Night Lights)
8. Dwight Schrute (The Office)
9. Lily Rush (Cold Case)
10. Omar Little (The Wire)
11. Gaius Baltar (Battlestar Galactica)
12. Olive Snook (Pushing Daisies)
13. Shawn Spencer (Psych)
14. Sheldon Cooper PhD (The Big Bang Theory)
15. Dr. Juliet Burke (Lost)
16. Michael Weston (Burn Notice)
17. Captain Jack Harkness (Torchwood)
18. Dr. Miranda Bailey (Grey’s Anatomy)
19. Chuck Bartowski (Chuck)
20. Brenda Leigh Johnson (The Closer)
21. Emerson Cod (Pushing Daisies)
22. Ned “The Piemaker” (Pushing Daisies)
23. Liz Lemon (30 Rock)
24. Stephanie Lane (My Boys)
25. Stewie Griffin (Family Guy)

Also receiving multiple votes: Desmond Hume (Lost), Major John Casey (Chuck), Jack Donaghy (30 Rock)
Voters: Dan, Ducky, Jo, Kate, Sandie, TVFan, Vance

Hi guys.

Dan here. Time for us to have a heart-to-heart.

Blogging’s no picnic. You’ve got to watch a lot of television and devote a lot of your mental energy in trying to think of new ways to dissect Project Runway. And when you want to have a post up every day, sometimes you end up with drunk-ish blogging after a couple glasses of wine (example) and that’s no help to anyone.

Did I mention the pay sucks?

That said, allow me to introduce our new news correspondent: John.

John is one of my DC friends who is responsible for introducing me to the wonders of Project Runway Canada and The IT Crowd (which I haven’t talked about here, but is quite good). He’ll be bringing you a more fleshed out news post in the morning — one that isn’t cobbled together in as short amount of time as possible. And is more than “[Person] talks about [show].”

I know you’ll give him a warm welcome.

Like I mentioned before, TiFaux is taking part in the Adopt a Writer project. Participating TV Blogs are finding writers, finding out what their lives are like with the strike and helping them to tell their stories. For our first assignment, we interviewed Michael Jann of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

Ask Michael Jann what the hardest part about being a striking writer is and this is what he’ll say.

“Besides the loss of paycheck, a loss of erections.”

Ask Michael Jann what his daily routine consists of during the strike and this is what he’ll say.

“Hoping and praying the strike ends. Working on a book: The Five People You Meet In Hell. It’s about the AMPTA.”

Needless to state, Michael is a professional cut-up. For the past 15 years, he’s been writing monologue jokes for Jay Leno from his office (a media hub where he scans newspapers, surfs the internet and sets the television to blare news, sports, Dr. Phil, Oprah and his self-professed favorite, Blind Date).

“I write and write and write and hand pages of jokes to Jay — the greatest boss in the world, always says thanks — and then [he] tells the jokes in front of about ten million people that night.,” he said, adding “I get paid for this.”

Now that the strike has hit, Jann, a Connecticut native, has found himself in the surreal position of picketing with his fellow writers.

“The picket lines are drudgery and boring beyond belief. But there’s one that is 90% Tonight Show writers, so I get to joke around with them and stay connected. We accomplish nothing picketing, except for providing moral support for one another. On windy days I throw my sign up in the air, and pretend it’s a kite. The sad thing is, it never really blows away.”

Jann’s comedy career began in Catholic school back in Connecticut, getting in trouble for cracking jokes in class. In fact, he once claims to have had a yardstick broken over his back (“Giggling in church was a felony”).

After going to school at the University of Connecticut and diverting from his original plan to become a veterinarian (thanks to a D in botany), he went into advertising as a temporary career. Over the course of ten years, he wrote TV commercials in Hartford, Philadelphia, Boston and New York.

After that, though, he decided enough was enough and he switched coasts to move to Los Angeles. He bided his time writing for National Lampoon magazine and Nick At Night until Jay Leno began guest hosting on the Tonight Show and was accepting submissions from freelance jokesters via fax. Jann started writing for Leno at fifty bucks a joke and when Johnny Carson retired, Leno hired Jann on full-time.

Jann has nothing but effusive praise for his boss Jay, although some union members might still be fuming about his decision to write his own monologues.

“Jay was super supportive for two months, visiting the picket line every day. He had to go back — he is a brand that must maintain its viability. He is a force of nature — hasn’t taken a sick day once in fifteen years. I don’t begrudge him going back.”

For now, though, Jann is still on the picket lines.

“Picketing is surreal. No other word for finding yourself out in the street, walking in circles, holding a sign, accomplishing nothing.”

For now, he vents by doing personal writing.

“I hope that’s not against the rules.” he said. “I’m not being paid.”

I don’t know if you’ve read about this, but now you have.

There’s this dude in Ohio named Dan Miller. You know — just like me. And he’s because, apparently he’s going to be a rap star and this will help him in that effort. Side note: what the heck do I name my rap group now? Wu-Dan Clan? Ghostface Millah?

Anyways, I’ve decided to change my name to enhance my blogging career. Help me pick the best option.

None of these are attractive.