I need to find something to eat.

• Kathy Griffin won an Emmy!
• TV Guide offers a preview of the Greek finale. And a bunch of other shows of the Monk/The 4400 ilk.
• Georgetown Law is offering a class based on 24.
• Apple wants to offer .
• Bisexual dating show . My money’s on the lesbians.
• They’re trying to make people interested in the non-naked parts of the HBO show Tell Me You Love Me.
• Jason Bateman is unexpectedly optimistic about the possibility of an Arrested Development movie.
• Nick Hornby interviews The Wire’s David Simon for The Believer.
• Time chose the 100 best shows of all time.
• James Gandolfini is hosting an Iraq documentary on HBO.

It must suck to never be able to eat garlic.

• Rachel Griffiths defends all the boys kissing on Brothers and Sisters.
• The Emmys are .
• Edie Falco will .
• You can stream the Tim Gunn show on Bravo’s Web site.
• .
• Kristin Chenoweth fell down the stairs and fractured some ribs — but she’s determined to not halt the Pushing Daisies production schedule.
• Here are some words that will totally mess with our google search terms: “High School Musical” and “naked.” Thank me later, Kyle.
• Alyssa Milano is going to be on My Name is Earl.
• Slate hates Star Jones’ new show.
• Jason Batemen and Michael Cera are in the same movie, but don’t share any scenes.
• Gordon Ramsay, um, burned his balls.
• The New York Times talks about Chelsea Lately.
• Dianne Wiest will be on Jezebel James.
• Patrick Dempsey says Grey’s Anatomy will be more fun next season.
• An SNL will be sold exclusively at Target. It will include Elvis Costello, Mary J. Blige and Nirvana.

So, there’s this band called St. Vincent. Well, it’s not really a band because it’s just this one lady named Annie Clark.

The Web site Pitchforkmedia.com (the oft-polarizing tastemaker) recently did an interview with her for their recurring Guest List feature. Guest List features musicians discussing their various favorites (movies, books, record stores). Anyway, for her response to the favorite TV show question, she was effusive with praise for Arrested Development and even confessed that she named her album, “Marry Me,” after it (think of Maeby exclaiming it to her fellow studio execs).

Take a look at a snippet:

St. Vincent: Whenever I think of the album I say to myself “Marry me!” [laughs] you know? It’s in my brain. And I would get so confused doing interviews and stuff when nobody would get the joke, like they thought I was seriously saying, “marry me.” They thought it was so sincere.

Pitchfork: They thought you were just single and looking?

St. Vincent: Yeah, I mean that’s totally desperate [laughs]. Totally desperate.

I totally like her at least 200% more now. Read the rest of the interview here.

First item of business: who prevailed in the battle of the babyfaced badass Logan Echolls versus the tribe leader Jack Shephard? Turns out most of you think that brawn and raw anger would prevail, since (as of this post) Logan is enjoying a healthy lead. Makes sense, I suppose, but it would still be an entertaining match.

But after two boy fights in a row, it’s time to let the ladies have at it. And not just any ladies — two dames with ice water for blood. It’s Grandma Petrelli versus Grandma Bluth. That is, Nathan and Peter’s always-surprising mother on Heroes, Angela Petrelli, and the matriarch of the wildly dysfunctional Bluth clan, Lucille Bluth.

I predict hair-pulling and dirty tricks.

Side note: although it is entirely possible that Petrelli has some sort of super-power, right now we’re operating under the assumption that she doesn’t. That wouldn’t be fair now, would it?

Angela Petrelli

Strengths:

• Nerves of steel
• Has a history of shady dealings
• Patient

Weaknesses:

• Like a mother lion, she’s protective of her cubs — which could be a liability
• Used to having other people do her dirty work
• Has less power over those not directly related to her

Secret Weapon: Steadfast and determined.

Lucille Bluth

Strengths:

• Acid tongue
• Emotionally manipulative; can pretend to be hurt and then pounce when Petrelli’s guard is down
• Sharp jewelry can be used as a weapon

Weaknesses:

• Perpetual buzz could slow reaction time
• Words may sting, but they can’t cut
• Likely to forfeit if she gets tired

Secret Weapon: Fights dirty.

I’ve been complaining lately that television has abandoned us, but I was just scanning through the programming guide and it turns out that I have abandoned TV. There is a show on like every channel at almost all times. So why is the list of upcoming recordings on our TiFaux Arrested Development on HDNet (even funnier in HD!), The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report? It turns out even though there are lots of things available to watch it’s nothing I want to watch. Here’s a review of the shows I won’t be watching tonight.

ABC’s The Next Best Thing: Who is the Greatest Celebrity Impersonator? No point. It’s Kevin Federline. Zing! Next!

CBS has a repeat of Criminal Minds. Is that the one with Mandy Patinkin? Do I look like I’m 55?

FOX continues So You Think You Can Dance. I don’t think I can dance, so I don’t know why they’re accusing me like this. I saw that Robert Altman dance movie The Company—which had actual good dancers, but a complete lack of situations—and that burned me out for dance-related entertainment for a long time.

Last Comic Standing on NBC. I can’t get behind this one on principle. A competition like this is never going to find good comics. It’s going to find filler for “Comedy Central Presents” shows. My stand-up friend Tim McIntire said it best on his blog: “I would try out if it really was a fight to be the last comic standing. I would definitely want to be on a show where I could hide in the living room and smash comics who are better connected and more telegenic than me in the face with a piece of rebar… It could be like Highlander – if you kill another comic, you get all his jokes, until there really was only one comic standing, with a notebook and a samurai sword, bombing at the Comedy Connection because it’s all tourists.”

PBS has a show called Bear Island which sounds like Stephen Colbert’s worst nightmare. But also kind of cool.

The CW has a new teen soap-opera called Hidden Palms. Which I thought was a porno featuring mostly under-the-table handjobs, but it’s really The O.C. II: Don’t Call it That.

Take that Jackie Harvey!

Another parade, another hairy man in a leather thong.  Yawn.

• Debra Messing and Heidi Klum get fashion raves from the Fug Girls.
• A love letter to GOB Bluth.
• Bradley Whitford talks to E-Kristin about the demise of Studio 60.
• David Anders from Alias might come to Heroes.
• Michael Imperioli plays guest columnist for TV Guide.
• A meditation on last night’s Sopranos finale.
• Send the CW Mars bars.  Guess why.

Taking the day off to do nothing at all.

• Nerds converge! The .
• A contestant from the second season of Hell’s Kitchen has died mysteriously.
• Donald Trump has quit The Apprentice, but is far from out of our lives.
• The AV Club opines that the demise of Veronica Mars was a good thing because now it can be a martyr — like Arrested Development. This is a hard sell.
• Salon analyzes the finale of Grey’s.
• You could probably guess this already, but Simon Cowell could buy you and sell you.
• I guess there is one person out there who is willing to stand up for the Geico caveman sitcom.
• Time thinks about The Office’s season finale.
• An article that references Herman’s Head. What? Did you need more of a reason to read it?
• Rex the pharmacist from Desperate Housewives and Megan Mullally are going to do Young Frankenstein on Broadway.
• TV Guide rates the best Simpsons guest voices.

Who's got two thumbs and a ticket to the Dismemberment Plan reunion show? 

• Rashida Jones from The Office gets a well-deserved fugging for wearing a hideous Minnie Mouse frock.  She always looks so good in suits — it's sad.
• Stupid Star Jones is going to have her own show on Court TV.  Mama can't live on Payless money alone, I guess. 
• Antonella, the topless American Idol girl, has been offered a chance to host a Girls Gone Wild video. 
• I love the British.  I'd love, this year, to get a British boyfriend for Hannukah.  That said, they've got . 
• that will appear to lay the foundation for the Addison spin-off.  Steven Weber, Tim Daly, Tony Shalhoub, Thomas Hayden Church… so much post-Wings success.  That said, hope you saved some money, Crystal Bernard.
• A New Jersey town has . 
• LC launches a virtual clothing line.  Or whatever. 
• when I went to Union Station for lunch yesterday! 
• NPR talks to George Michael from Arrested Development. 
• Tim Robbins + Showtime = . 

Guess who got a new messenger bag for 90% off.

• Alan Ball’s post-Six Feet Under series for HBO will feature Anna Paquin as a vampire. The whole thing is set in a world where vampires can make Japanese-made synthetic blood. I have no idea if this will be good or not.
• Kristin from E! Online has the video scoop about Studio 60. If you don’t want to watch it, here’s the deal: if The Black Donnellys does as well as Studio 60 does in its old time slot, Studio 60′s gone. The difference between the two series is that TBD is much less expensive to produce. Time to prepare yourself.
• As previously reported, Mitch Hurwitz (the creator of Arrested Development) will have a new show called the The Thick of It. The pilot will be directed by none other than Christopher Guest.
• Dave Foley is going to host an NBC improv series.
• It’s really surprising how many people like taking naked pictures of themselves. And then audition for American Idol.
• Kristen Bell interviews with TV Guide. I am not allowing myself to read it, so I can’t tell if its interesting or not.
• Brigitte Nielson’s British “extreme” reality show is massively fucked up. For the record, I’m against anything that sells itself as “extreme.”

Dude, I didn't even know this girl and suddenly I found myself on her party bus.

• 
• First item of business: Jenna Fisher from The Office, Amy Poehler and Will Arnett (Arrested Development) are all going to be in a movie called Blades of Glory.  You might not know that because it's all Will Ferrell in the commercials.
• Finally, this isn't so much news as much as it's just awesome, but of Naveen Andrews (Sayid from Lost) break it down. (via Sour N Sweet)
• Kathy Griffin's dad, who was basically the star of her reality show, died.
• PR3 winner/jerkface Jeffrey Sebelia claims to be completely broke despite winning $100,000 through the show.  Fear not, though, for his adorable baby.  He's currently doing, get this, costumes for a Paula Abdul-produced movie based on the Bratz dolls.
• Colby Donaldson from Survivor: Australia will bring his prettiness to Rachael Ray's talk show.
• from her Biggest Loser gig.  Some soap star who looks just like her will take her place.
• Lost's ratings have hit an all-time low — I blame the new time slot.
• This HR professional keeps a blog about The Office.  She tallies up how much liability Michael Scott and company rack up per episode — pretty fun stuff.  Plus she rallies around Toby.
• Lost crew members keep having heart attacks.
• Tracy Morgan in DUI case.