Several media outlets brought the new Simpsons credits to my attention today, and I have to say, this is just the latest in a troubling new trend of shows changing their tried-and-true opening sequences after many, many seasons.

The first culprit: ER. These are the season 1 credits:

Look how young everyone is! This is before Clooney’s Caesar haircut, and before, you know, everybody died. So they ran with a version of this intro for thirteen years. Then, in 2007, someone over at NBC decided that the classic, 43-second opening sequence was just too bulky for the New Show Populated By People We Don’t Care About Please Come Back Noah Wyle. So this is what we get (just the beginning part):

Yep. Five seconds. I can totally understand abridging the credits to fit in more content. Or cutting them down, like Friends did after a few years, because everyone knows what the song sounds like and frankly, can’t stand to listen to it even one more time (clap clap clap clap). But after thirteen years? That is so strange.

Exhibit 2: The Amazing Race. Here are the classic TAR credits (beginning about 6:30 in), including such thirteen-races-old archetypes as Plane Flying, Sun Setting, Cities With Tall Things, Shouting Indigenous Folks, and Indigenous Folks With Indigenous Livestock. And of course, the very important Final Bomp.

Sunday’s first episode of TAR 14 showcased the new credit sequence:

It’s like they suddenly remembered that Jerry Bruckheimer produces this show! And let Michael Bay handle the sound editing! It’s so bizarre and metal-y. And the Final Bomp is sadly subdued.

So the extended Simpsons intro is kind of fitting into the mold, although I’m kind of sad that the Simpsons now have a nicer TV than I do. The credit sequence for The Simpsons has always been more malleable than most shows’ (and I’m not a hardcore Comic Book Guy about the show) so this doesn’t really bother me, but you know, sometimes you need continuity in television. Which is why I watched five episodes of Sports Night on DVD yesterday.

I miss summer already.

• ABC wants more Samantha Who?
• Mr. Big talks about the Sex and the City movie.
• An interview with Jensen Ackles of Smallville.
• Remember yesterday when I said the Writer’s Guild was done trying to unionize reality show writers? Nevermind.
• USA Today writes about the end of Scrubs.
• . I can’t imagine it’s possible to salvage it at this point.
• TV Squad lists the scariest TV characters of all time.
• Casting news arrives for a high-profile ensemble pilot called The Oaks.
• You can watch the online. If it’s come to that.
• The Amazing Race 12 cast has been announced.
• Mythbusters are testing to see if cockroaches can survive a nuclear attack.

I’m hopping on a plane at 2:30.  Where could I be going?

• Hot Headline News anchor Thomas Roberts has left Headline News for gayer pastures.
• Ty Pennington arrested for DUI. Presumably, there was shouting involved.
• Amazing Race winners Eric and Danielle broke up.
• Medium has been renewed for next season. So has .
• Kristy Swanson talks about the Anna Nicole Law and Order, which airs tonight.
• It’s confirmed: babies love television. Guessing they have complicated feelings about Grey’s Anatomy too.
• 24′s latest casualty talks to TV Guide.
• The least interesting feud ever has come to an end on NAVY: NCIS. Again — I challenge you to name one viewer you know.
• Cheryl Hines says Curb Your Enthusiasm has wrapped its sixth and final season.
• Stephen Collins comments on whether or not the good Rev. Camden will die on 7th Heaven.
• Rob and Amber to ‘revolutionize’ reality TV. Please, everyone, stop encouraging them.
• Battlestar to add a new character in season four.
• Praise for New Adventures of Old Christine.
• Sketch comedy characters that should’ve been recurring according to the AV Club.

Remember that movie with Shelly Long? What ever happened to her?

• New York chose Tango at the end of I Love New York. I’m guessing that you either a) already knew that b) don’t even know what I’m talking about.
• The older gay guys got eliminated from The Amazing Race and now they’re telling all about their nasty straight competitor and CBS censorship.
• Six Degrees is kind of officially dead. So is Wedding Bells. And The Black Donnellys.
• 24′s producer/director talks about filming the show.
• Bravo officially doesn’t know when to stop. They’re now doing Project Runway with papparazzi.
• FX is launching another show you probably won’t watch. This one stars Glenn Close (Go Tribe!).
• Kristin from E! has been running this Save One Show campaign where people vote to keep one endangered show on the air. Click here to see it. Then vote for Veronica Mars.
• If you want to watch the premiere of Thank God You’re Here, the new NBC improv show, it is available online.
• 7th Heaven is finally gone. But we’ve been through this before.
• The Office has made Scranton an unlikely tourist destination.
• Bravo has from Kathy Griffin’s comedy specials.
• The New York Times talks to Larry Wilmore — The Daily Show’s senior black correspondent.
• Talk about tarnished childhood memories. The little kid from Family Ties has been arrested for domestic violence. [UPDATE: Oooh -- and look at his mug shot. That's effed up.]

I didn't see the last 6 episodes thanks to my Berlin-based lifestyle, but I read the news today, oh boy. BJ Averell, my friend who would have been voted most likely to star on a reality TV show–if they did superlatives at Harvard–won $1 million on The Amazing Race 9 along with Best Friend Tyler. Congratulations BJ and Tyler. Have you ever considered financing independent films?

Last night was the premiere of the the Amazing Race 9 on CBS. I’ve never watched this show before, but I had to this time around because I know one of the contestants from college.

So, can you guess who I know? Well, we can eliminate right off the bat the frat boys from California or the sluts from Staten Island. It’s not the old married couple, the extraordinarily grating Tall Southern Sisters, the “just friends” gay dudes, the psychotic dentist and his wife/hygenist, or the intensely aerobic black couple. So is it “Ken and Barbie,” the too-perfect couple with the popular kids attitude? Is it one of the overly-affectionate nerds? Is the mother-daughter latina combo? Or is it one of the bearded, colorful hippies?

It’s one of the “hippies,” BJ! I know, smart money would have been on the nerds. Suckah!

The thing is, I would really not describe BJ and Tyler as hippies, and not just because I know BJ and know that he is not a hippie. The whole show was an interesting look into how people judge each other on little or no information. I would describe their look and attitude more generally as “wacky Muppet hipster.” Are hippies really known for wearing pink frilled tuxedo shirts and colorful patterned pants? Also, they’re clearly fast-running smart thrill-seekers. Hippies? Really? It’s just the long hair and beards. People get fooled, and then are clearly shocked when BJ and Tyler turn out to be pretty awesome at the game. Yeah #2! Woooohoooo!

Let’s compare and contrast BJ and Tyler with the winners of last night’s challenge, the frat boys, Eric and Jeremy. Basis for the comparison: How they comport themselves when meeting the Staten Island Sluts for the first time.

BJ and Tyler: (At the ticket counter. Casual.) Hey, what’s up, we’re BJ and Tyler. We’re Dani and Danielle. Dani and Danielle? Really? Can we call you Double D? Sure! (laughs all around)

Eric and Jeremy: (In front of a hotel, as the girls’ cab drives away. Hyperactive.) HEY! I’M ERIC AND THIS IS JEREMY! (the girls mock and laugh at them)

I think we can see who the clear winner in that competition is.

Right now I’m rooting for BJ and Tyler, obviously, and the mother-daughter latinas. Do I like the mom-daughter group because they remind me of the Gilmore Girls? Maybe. The nerds almost got my vote, but they were too busy kissing each other all the time to really give their all to the race. I also kind of like the Staten Island Sluts as dark horse candidates.

Coming later this month, ANOTHER guy I know from college debuts in a reality TV show. And that one’s sure to be embarrassing for everyone involved and everyone who knows him. Just kidding, you know I love ya, Hunter .