Glenn Beck… Please stop it.

No one thinks you’re being cute.

When I was of Bar Mitzvah age, that’s when the whole trash talk show trend really boomed. You had Ricki Lake, Jerry Springer, Sally Jessy Raphael and even Richard Bey. This was when Greg Kinnear wasn’t an Academy Award-nominated actor — just a struggling actor who was worrying he would peak with hosting Talk Soup on basic cable.

In any case, remember Jenny Jones? She was the bland blonde one whose guests were always way more outrageous than she could ever seem to handle.

Well, turns out Jenny Jones is a) still alive, and b) totally rich. So rich, in fact, that she’s giving away her money — a million bucks of it.

Under the my-wishes-came-true-let-me-help-you premise, she’s giving away a million bucks in $25,000 grants. All you have to do is fill out the application describing “your dream” and pray.

Sadly, I don’t think any of my dreams live up to the standard of “I want to buy computers for a handicapped school,” as they suggest on the site. Stupid do-gooders.
My dreams include:

• a live-in, professional chips and guacamole chef.
• a bed shaped like a spaceship with a built-in telescope.
• a surgical procedure to help me get to my “goal height” of 5’9.
• a puppy that doesn’t bark, urinate or need to be fed.

“New year, new house, new jobs, new boys, new everything,” said Audrina, somehow forgot to mention “new boobs, new veneral diseases, new abusive boyfriends!”

Who am I kidding, I can’t effing wait.

I still haven’t seen No Country For Old Men and that is inexcusable.

• In a very small bit of  bright strike news, NBC won’t be canceling or reducing .
• The Colbert Report and Daily Show writers are having a .
• Steven Bochco has a new legal drama with Zack Morris.
• There’s going to be a live Buffy reunion.
• USA Today celebrates the return of Lost. E-Kristin has video previews!
• Slate thinks out the ethically questionable new crop of game shows.
• They’ve announced a cast for the third and, allegedly, final season of Flavor of Love.
• Over at E!, vote for who you want to win the SAG Awards.
• And in case you haven’t seen it — via Best Week Ever — here’s Homosexuwhales.[kml_flashembed /grsgucYpMyU" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]