If, tomorrow night, the party you’re going to is lame, the date you’re going on is a disaster or you’re just feeling old and tired, I have a perfect excuse for you to call it quits early.

The Comedians of Comedy’s Live at the Troubadour performance special will air on Saturday night (Sunday morning, really). At the very least, you can set your TiFaux. The action starts at 1 a.m. on Comedy Central.

Featured comedians include Patton Oswalt, David Cross, Eugene Mirman, Brian Posehn, Zach Galifianakis and TiFaux favorite (read: my favorite) Maria Bamford.

Premiering tonight, what may turn out to be the guiltiest of guilty pleasures: Moonlight, the new vampire show starring (well, co-starring — or a supporting player, at least) Jason Dohring. Because of course he’d end up playing a vampire.

There’s nary a cast change in this year’s SNL opener. LeBron James hosts, Kanye West performs. Not too excited about LeBron, unless he can be as self-deprecating as Peyton, which I highly doubt.

I have nothing in particular to say about the new Simpsons. Placido Domingo, Maya Rudolph, opera. The end.

Sorry for the brevity. It’s Friday, you know.

As the new television season begins, we’re starting to find out about the directions of the shows we love. And the shows we don’t really love, but keep coming back to because we can’t help ourselves.

As you can probably guess, I’m talking about Grey’s Anatomy. I haven’t seen the season premiere yet and, yes, I did kind of swear off that damned show. But I know it’ll be a hard habit to break.

It kind of seems to be the general feeling like the show really did reach a depths of awfulness in the second half of this past season. Even the network says that the show “explored dark territory” or some such nonsense. I’m guessing “exploring dark territory” is a euphemism for “the show began to eat itself.”

One of the suits at ABC said that “Shonda has certainly listened to some of the stuff that people didn’t respond to and has changed accordingly.” I think that we should take this one step further. Below is a Mad Lib involving Seattle Grace. Fill it out, paste it in the comments, and let’s hope that self-Googling Grey’s Anatomy writers will take notice. I’m sure that our creative, insightful and totally hot readership will come up with some winning ideas.

Feel free to post your results in the comments.

Grey’s Anatomy: TiFaux Remix

At the beginning of the episode, Meredith and Derrick are having lunch in the hospital cafeteria. They’re having their thousandth talk about where their relationship is going. Meredith thinks their relationship is ___(1. adjective)___ while Derrick is convinced it is ___(2. adjective)___. They’re at an impasse.

Just then, Addison sits down at the table and says “Listen, I’m moving to California to ___(3. verb)___ with Tim Daly. My parting advice is this: ___(4. adage/proverb)___.”

She gets up from the table and walks away, while Derrick and Meredith look at her ___(5. adverb)___.

Meanwhile, Dr. Bailey has another wacky case. A ___(6. type of professional)___ has come into the hospital with a ___(7. fruit)___-sized tumor on his ___(8. body part)___. The patient, played by a resurgent ___(9. has-been 80s sitcom actor)___, requires the expertise of Dr. Webber. He realizes that removing the tumor is a metaphor for cutting out the toxicity of his marriage, and he has a dramatic moment set to a weepy song by ___(10. indie band)___.

After work, Karev and McSteamy decide to grab a drink. They sit at the bar, disheartened by the loss of Addison, and discuss life, love, medicine and ___(11. plural noun)___. After several rounds, the two men sense a growing affection between them. “Listen, Alex,” says McSteamy. “I think you’re really ___(12. adjective)___. Would you like to come back to my place and ___(13. activity)___?” Karev, with a bubbling mix of trepidation and excitement, agrees.

George and Izzie meet at a coffeeshop to discuss their non-relationship. George says the Callie isn’t sure she wants to have a baby and maybe they should get a ___(14. noun)___ instead.

“What about my needs?” Izzie says. “I love you. Let’s run away to ___(15. geographic place)___.”

They look at each other ___(16. adverb)___ and passionately ___(17. verb)___.

1. Adjective
2. Adjective
3. Verb
4. Adage/proverb
5. Adverb
6. Type of professional (lawyer, for example)
7. Fruit
8. Body part
9. Has-been 80s sitcom actor
10. Indie band
11. Plural noun
12. Adjective
13. Activity
14. Noun
15. Geographic place
16. Adverb
17. Verb

Ruh roh.

• Some episodes of How I Met Your Mother are available for free on iTunes.
• Nielsen is looking to increase its sample size.
• Oprah and Jerry Seinfeld are TVs top earners. Seinfeld still earns $60 MILLION A YEAR from Seinfeld reruns. Jeez oh Pete.
• Jorja Fox is leaving whichever CSI she’s on.
• The dude from Moonlight talks to TV Guide.
• Adrian Pasdar is posting YouTube clips of the Heroes folk.
• Private Practice beat The Bionic Woman, but only slightly. And TBW was NBC’s highest rated Wednesday launch since The West Wing.
• Kiele Sanchez (aka Nikki from Lost) is joining Samantha Who?
• Rainn Wilson isn’t worried about typecasting.
• They’re turning fountains red in . They insist it’s not blood, but a representation of the official Showtime color. Which I don’t buy.
• Jason Dohring talks about Moonlight.
• MTV will air a True Life marathon on Saturday. Cristin, clear your schedule.
• Simon Cowell and Sharon Osbourne are real life heroes.
• Finally, watch these Lost bloopers before they’re taken down.[kml_flashembed /g9cfWCh9evM" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

Bravo has not only announced the premiere date for the fourth season of Project Runway (Nov. 14), but they’ve also posted pictures and bios of the whole cast on their Web site (via Reality Blurred).

Standouts include:

• HIV positive, former competitive swimmer Jack
• The barely legal Christian, whose picture makes him look bird-like
• A woman named Kathleen who goes by Sweet P
• Young Cyndi Lauper look-alike Kit
• Chris: a leopard print John Goodman (in King Ralph)

If you really want to get some extra credit pre-stalking done, Blogging Project Runway has links for each of the designers. Get excited everyone.

The Office’s fourth season (wow — four seasons) premieres tonight with an hour-long show. Even more than the Pam and Jim stuff, I’m excited to see how Ryan’s going to make Michael miserable in his new position of power. Maybe I overstated that — I’m pretty excited about the Pam and Jim stuff, too.

Ugly Betty returns tonight as well. I feel like this show is due for a backlash. Of course, I never really loved it, so I’m not sure what a backlash would entail — instead of liking it pretty well, I dislike it a little?

And the Grey’s Anatomy juggernaut of addictive, ridiculous DOOM kicks off tonight, too. Have the three months off been long enough for us to say no to the madness? Report in tomorrow. Let’s be strong together!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: We should really start watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I hear nothing but good things. They’re airing two episodes tonight.

Dear Tim,

We all love you.

In fact, no one doesn’t love you. It’s a rare feat, you know, to have such universal admiration in the world of reality TV. You bring dignity to a genre that is defined by its gluttonous excess and we love you for it.

That said, your new show, Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style, is totally boring.

Let’s break it down.

Let’s try to think about what makes shows in the makeover genre work by taking a look at two shows who get it right: Queer Eye and What Not to Wear. Queer Eye works (or worked) because of its chaotic pace. It started out with the big gay ambush (which the Guide to Style does in a sort of forced, calculated way) and then the hapless straight dude gets bounced around from salon to boutique to fancy restaurant like frightened, hirsute pinball in a fabulous, color-coordinated pinball machine. The show focused on the variety of ways the poor schlub was deficient, so there was more to pay attention than just fashion.

What Not to Wear works because of its big personalities and sheer watchability. Clinton and Stacy are bouncing off the walls with chatty excitement. Their jokes don’t always land, but they feel like friends when you watch the show. It’s total comfort viewing — you know the format (the victim is IDed and we watch as he/she is uncomfortably betrayed be his/her friends, he/she goes to New York, Clinton and Stacy make fun of him/her, shopping day one, shopping day two, hair, makeup, reveal) and there really aren’t any surprises. It all lends itself to some very enjoyable, lazy Sunday afternoon viewing.

What goes wrong with the Guide to Style?

First of all, Tim, you need a foil. You’re the quintessential straight man (and I was totally trying to phrase that in a way that wouldn’t be all ‘he’s the straight man but he’s gay, isn’t that a crazy play on words.’ Looks like I failed on that.) and operate best when you are contrasted with your Austin Scarletts, your Santino Rices, your Jefferey Sebelias. And frankly, Veronica Webb isn’t cutting it. She’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but she’s lacking is the outgoing charisma and eccentricity that the role requires. You would work best with someone who is functional and knowledgeable, yet slightly mentally ill. I’m thinking Stacy London meets Lucille Bluth. Veronica seems to merely be a slightly sassy dame who knows clothes.

Then there’s the sluggish pace, which plods along from fashion destination to fashion destination. It’s unhurried, thoughtful and, therefore, not that engaging. For some reason, the most successful makeover shows are always racing against some sort of artificial, imaginary clock. Think of the Queer Eye guys running for no reason from Brooks Brothers to Crate and Barrel. It’s strange, but there’s something to it.

The commentary, Tim, is always spot on, but good taste doesn’t necessarily translate into interesting viewing. This show could work, but it’d need a major overhaul. Different co-host, no more hokey “oh my God, Tim Gunn is coming” intros, more formulaic structure. You can keep the post-makeover interviews that you interject in the middle of the episode and the part in the beginning where you force them to create a sample outfit. Those parts are good.

Otherwise, I don’t know. The elements are there. Make it work. (Get it?! Because that’s what you say on Proje–… I’m sorry about that.)

Love,

DAN

Potomac Mills better watch out.

• Michael Vartan talks to TV Guide (he’s on the new show Big Shots).
• Parminder Nagra talks about the upcoming season of ER.
• America’s Next Top Model has gone green.
• Peter Krause talks to TV Guide. And to New York magazine.
• The AP writes about the new season of Dexter.
• Knight Rider .
• A new game show has . Thank you Mark Burnett.
• A new Nielsen rule is artificially .
• Some random lady was the first to get kicked off Dancing with the Stars.
• Project Runway will debut Nov. 14.
• There’s now only one remaining Bachelor couple.

Yeah, you heard me right, suckers!

We’re proud to announce our first DVD giveaway. It’s a real life giveaway, with a real life prize, sponsored by a real life publicist named Chrissy. Hi Chrissy!

The prize for the giveaway is copy of Nip/Tuck Season 4. The new season premieres Oct. 30 at 10:00 on FX.

To enter, just leave a comment on this post and be sure to include your e-mail address just go ahead and e-mail us at tifaux -at- gmail -dot- com with the subject line “Nip/Tuck.” The contest ends in two weeks, so that’d be Oct. 10. You can only enter once, of course. And don’t try to beat the system, because Kyle will find you out and then there will be hell to pay!

Hell! To pay!

Also, publicists of the world, we’re happy to host your giveaways. As well as receive things ourselves. E-mail us at tifaux -at- gmail -dot- com.

Julian. The white sunglasses. Seriously?

The package includes:

• Clever Casting: The Seasons Guest Stars
• Sizzle: The Sexuality of Nip/Tuck
• The Cutting Edge: How Real-Life Dramas Are Incorporated into the Show
• Additional Scenes
• Deleted Scenes
• Featurette
• Gag Reel

I have to admit, Nip/Tuck is a show I’ve always wanted to get into, but just haven’t had the opportunity. Seriously. Want proof? I totally mentioned it in the post I wrote about Weeds.

So, what do I know about Nip/Tuck? Little to nothing. I know that Mario Lopez’s nekkid guest appearance sent the gay blog circuit on fire (don’t click the link if you don’t like looking at butts). I know that there was something about a serial killer a couple seasons ago and they did this big MySpace promotion about it.

Instead of just giving you the standard summary, I’ll tell you what I think Nip/Tuck is about, along with some extrapolation that I’ve just made up. If you want the official summary, it’s after the jump.

Nip/Tuck is about two LA plastic surgeons played by Dylan Walsh and Julian McMahon (note: see, I’ve already got that wrong — they’re from South Beach). Julian’s character is named Noah (wrong again, his name’s Christian. Okay, I’ll stop correcting myself) who is a wealthy playboy who will sleep with anything that moves. And is a woman. I’d like to think there was a short-lived bicurious story arc, but I don’t really know that that happened. Whereas Noah is an extravagant party boy, Dylan Walsh’s character, Tyler, is a staid family man. His wife makes dinner and his kids, Amber and Jean-Claude dote upon him.

The series follows the surgeons as they face a parade of wacky clients wanting their bulgy parts bulgier and their loose parts tighter. This is a clever vehicle for fun guest stars including Rosie O’Donnell, who plays a woman who wants to have her leg amputated for fun like those people in that documentary Whole.

This picture is of the doctors on a quiet night hanging out at their nurse, Irene’s house. Irene and her son like to watch reruns of Mr. Belvedere and make popcorn. The doctors kindly indulge her family ritual.

This picture is of Noah at a blind date that ends up being with one of his clients. The one where the lady had little silicon horns put in her forehead because she is trying to become a circus freak. Next stop, having her teeth drilled into little fangs!

Okay. That’s enough of that. If you’d like to read what the show is really about, find out after the jump. Good luck!

So, Kid Nation: I caught the re-run on Saturday night (what? I was waiting to go out), and it was very well-done. It nails that icky feeling you get watching the best reality TV shows, where you hate what’s happening and don’t want to watch but end up invested and curious despite yourself.

Obviously I relate strongly to Sophia, the overachieving bossy 14-year-old. I’m hoping she’s going to develop a thing for Greg, the 15-year-old troublemaker. That’s what I would’ve done, thus deeply embarrassing myself on national television. Thank you, world, for letting me avoid that fate. Final thought: Alex, the one-toothed Asian 9-year-old, is the cutest kid ever.

The Bionic Woman premieres tonight on NBC. It’s got all that Battlestar Galactica writer credibility (and Katee Sackhoff, of course), but it seems like something’s not quite clicking in to place. The advance reviews haven’t been as glowing as they should be. Nonetheless, I’ll be watching, hoping for a Battlestar-like success.

Gossip Girl continues its shenanigans tonight. The pilot was full of some entertaining nonsense. The actor playing Dan Humphries misread a line, though, and I’ve hated him ever since. (Yes, I hold grudges like this. Learn to act, people!) I think that might be a problem going forward, as he’s set up to be the only sympathetic character in a sea of narcissistic snobs.

Gossip Girl and Bionic Woman share a time slot, which means that I have a legitimate, iron-clad excuse not to watch Private Practice, the Grey’s Anatomy spin-off. Thank you, TiFaux, for only being able to record two shows at a time and so thus making that decision for me!

After that, however, I will be taping Dirty Sexy Money. I’m hoping it can get past its terrible, terrible title, but I’m not expecting much. I’m happy to give Peter Krause a shot, though.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: I’m going to be lazy and suggest The War on PBS again. Ken Burns, you’ve really saved my ass this week.