Listen up.  All of you.  Yes, even you McDreamy.  Stop nuzzling Meredith's hair and eyes up here.

I'm sick of all your shit. 

For as much education as all of you have, for all your magical life-saving abilities, I've never seen a more infantile brood of emotional cripples.  Now, I'm going to go down the line and I want you all to pay close attention.  I'm only saying this once.

I'm starting with you Meredith.  You are the show's title character, after all, even though you are probably the most widely disliked.  We've had a talk like this before, remember?  In that little conversation I advised you to, ahem, "bang George, because he deserves it."  I suppose its my error for not stipulating that you shouldn't begin to weep hysterically mid-coitus.  I'll make that concession.  However, I also advised you to "start whoring it up around the hospital to make McDreamy uncomfortable and help you get your confidence back."  And what kind of whoring have you done?  None.  That is, unless you count the painful George episode or the most disgusting triage tryst I could ever have imagined.  And one more thing.  Don't be all proud of yourself by saying to McDreamy and Chris O'Donnell that you want to actually date them — because that's what regular people do.  Not this smolder/tryst/heartache/smolder/tryst/heartache cycle that you seem to be so fond of.

Christina.  We know you're headstrong. And feisty.  And Asian.  And three foot eleven.  And that's why we love you.  But you're wearing us down with your constant outrage.  I like it when you have those conversations with Meredith in surgery stadium where you both complain about your problems but never actually respond to what the other is saying.  I mean, it's funny to watch, but completely indicative of why you're always spinning your emotional wheels — you only see things from one side.

McDreamy.  Stop checking yourself out in the mirror.  Your hair is just fine.  Your 5 o'clock shadow is impeccable.  Now stop giving yourself boners from looking in the mirror.

Addison.  Get it together, woman.  Your marriage has been over forever — you knew that all along, right?  The whole reconciliation thing was noble and all, but you knew it was a dead end.  Or, at least, we did.  Good for you for getting it on with McSteamy.  And thank whoever was responsible for having him give that "yes, I'm really naked" flash of hip while he was getting out of the shower last Thursday.

Izzie.  I'm not saying this to you, I'm saying this to the folks that write you.  Guys, who acts like that?  I mean, people react to trauma in different ways, but the madcap baking?  The laying down in your prom dress for days, all catatonic?  And Izzie totally killed a dude, but you're going to "work it out" at the hospital?  Highly suspect.

Doc Webber.  I don't really even know what to say to you.  Does it make sense to ask you to "stop being crotchety?"  That's not meant to sound dirty. 

Doc Baily.  I'm really too scared to cop an attitude with you.  As you were. 

Alex.  Remember last episode when you rocked that blonde cancer patient's world in the bar bathroom?  Yeah, that was disgusting.  Plus, if you start something with Izzie, now you're just going to have a track record of cancer patients and pseudo-widows.  Not that impressive.

George.  To borrow a phrase from Cristin, grow a pair.  But carry on with your mannish girlfriend, as it kind of has promise.

Burke.  Ditto. 

Now, I know this annoying behavior won't stop.  It's pretty much set that these characters will continue to act like jerks for the rest of their tenure and I will continue to watch this show because I'm a 49-year-old woman.  But just know that you're always treading on thin ice with me.  I'd always be surprised if someone decided to act in a reasonable manner.