Previously: LC gets in trouble for the Young Hollywood party, but not really. Heidi gets a job, but not really.
LC is in the midst of what I assume is her daily fashion consultation for Heidi, who is suffering from what I assume is extensive neurological damage. (Please. Please. Please let there be a reason for her). LC, in her most practiced therapists voice, asks Heidi what aspects of her new "job" she's most excited about (I'm proud of LC for not going with "other than the aforementioned lunch break and exposed brick offices, why are you destroying what little chance you have at escaping your pathetic existence for this?"). Heidi responds "It just seems like it'll be running around all the time, being really busy, meeting celebrities" (issues #32: "Seems? nay, madame, I know not seems." Even if we hadn't seen previews for this episode, this has freshman literature foreshadowing written all over it). LC advises Heidi that she should always dress nicer than she thinks she should which, for Heidi, probably means throwing a sleeveless "I got my crabs at Dirty Dicks Crab Shack!" muscle T over her bikini and dusting the coke residue off her upper lip before coming to work.
Natasha Bedingfield, la la. This week, I decided to replace the theme song with "Promiscuous Girl" by Nelly Furtado in my head while watching it, which makes that opening montage a lot more interesting. try it. We learn that this episode is titled "An Unexpected Call," and already know, due to the magic of previews, that JWahl is back on the scene. (issue #33: So, not really unexpected then, is it. Unless we're shocked that JWahl has the opposable thumbs required to dial the phone, in which case, yes. Color me surprised).
LC gets pulled away from InternIsland at TeenVoid in order to courier a dress to fashion week in NY (issues #34-36: I'm giving this a couple of ticks on my issues count, because, and I know this is stating the obvious, but there is just. no. way. I was a sassy NY intern when I was 21, and I didn't even have a permanent key card to the building– it expired the day BEFORE my intern program ended, just to make sure I couldn't get too close to the important stuff. Also, when I last checked, there were TWO TeenVoid interns here, and ONE of them didn't ruin the Young Hollywood party– why didn't Whitney go? Also, whose t&e budget did this trip go on? You can't take someone else's corporate travel booking, so they must have planned trip specifically for LC. Am I to believe that there is literally not one other person in this company who can do this? If I were an editorial assistant at TeenVoid– one that was actually a full time employee who graduated from college, or even "college"– this would have filled me with rage).
One of the Brads visits Audrina at the studio where she works. "I was right down the street! This is in no way planned! I'm not the most awkward person alive!" We tour Audrina's studio/ office, which is currently hosting a Maxim shoot. "Do the models get mad that the receptionist is hotter?" Brad asks, and you can almost see him mentally high-fiving himself for working that line in (issue #37: Grammar). Awkward date-asking follows.
LC is packing! She might be gone for a night, or maybe FIVE! She needs to be ready for fashion week! The car service is on its way!
Heidi and Audrina hang out in the hot tub and talk about What Guys Want. Clearly, they all started to want Heidi after those university journals all starting vying for her groundbreaking paper on the human genome project and it's 21st century implications on cloning.
LC arrives in new york and, as previously discussed, changes out of her Plane/ Plain (homonyms are cool) clothes and into her fashion week- ready clothes (Issue #38: Leaves her open suitcase out in the bathroom while she changes in the handicapped stall. Not from around here, sugar?). Back at the ranch, it's Heidi's first day of work! (issue #39: after getting genuinely good advice from LC on dressing up for work– despite the fact that LC looked like opening sequence of the "Hot For Teacher" stripping scene in Varsity Blues for HER interview– Heidi has gone with some odd black blazer with an alice in wonderland collar. Stay away from the "drink me" bottle, Heidi!). Heidi finds out that she's expected to work EVERY day and that it's "sink or swim" at Bolthouse. (if all of the counting I'm doing wasn't already confusing me, I would start a running tally of awful corporate euphemisms used by these PR kids). Heidi gets to work stuffing envelopes (mail merge, this time, appears to be victorious) with an intern who actually elected to stay in "college."
LC trots into the Marc Jacobs show (issue #40: to the tune of the power girl anthem from Legally Blonde– was this irony, or could we really not come up with something better?) is acknowledged by the editrix with 3 words and told to trot back to the airport. This is the saddest thing I've ever seen. They don't even let her stay for the show! AND they give us a totally unnecessary shot of Anna Wintour! Shame on you, TeenVoid and MTV. Shame. On. You.
Heidi makes a phone call from the ladies room (issue #41: while sitting on the can. was that necessary?) to proclaim her job "So. Boring." LC wonders how she's going to balance work and "school." Then cingular tells us that we can have a Hills moment downloaded to our cingular cell phones! Talk about raising the bar.
Heidi goes in to speak with her boss, saying she didn't know the job would be full time OR entail stuffing envelopes (issue #42: she is told she needs to crawl before she can walk. Can you guys please throw a "circle back" or "touch base" in there? Just for me?) and leaves work, dejected.
Brad and Audrina are first dating when Brad remarks "this is the first date I've been on in a long time." Damn that Megan's law! (In my notes, I also wrote down that someone commented "I really like your hair, by the way," but I genuinely can't remember which it was and, frankly, it could be either). Audrina wants to attend the Heidi school of Climbing the Corporate Ladder by going part time so she can act and stuff. When brad walks her home, she coyly asks at the door "Wanna come hang out for a little?" (issue #43: Hobag).
Heidi and Boyfriend Brad snuggle in the morning, talking about anal sex (assumed) and how Heidi should quit her day-old job (confirmed). At work, Brent orders Heidi to get him a sandwich. Heidi responds by making an outlook calendar for herself that has "Start work- 9am, End work-6pm" on EVERY work day. I hope in later episodes, after she quits, she continues to get meeting reminders on her blackberry about when her starting time was.
LC returns home and her answering machine (issue #44: who has a land line?) is blinking. It's JWahl, and he's in town and wants to hang out (B: Why didn't he call her cell phone? Thanks, MTV producers!) LC heads off to class, where a girl bearing a shocking resemblance to Hilary Duff is giving a presentation. LC looks out the window, and the editors kindly answer my "Is she thinking about JWahl, or poisoning Heidi's Slim Fast Shakes?" question by cutting away to the blinking light on the answering machine. Blink. Blink. Blink.
Episode issues count: 13 Season issues count: 44
