Previously: TeenVogue Internship! Happy Face! Drunk friends ruin everything! Sad face!

 

This episode is called "A Change of Plans" and conspicuously absent from it is LC's Journey ring tone. (issue 19: I feel like LC is using Journey ironically and you should never have anything but pure, pure love for those boys. I'm seeing them in concert with Def Leppard this summer. Don't Stop Believin' and a one armed drummer? done and done). We open on WasteOfLifeHeidi asking LC for fashion advice. LC avoids suggesting a necklace made of cement followed by a dip in the pool. You're a better man than I, LC. LC also avoids eye contact while she tells Heidi that she's not allowed to crash any more of her work events. (issue 20: Heidi doesn't even remotely apologize. How has this girl not been cut up and fed to dogs?)

Natasha Bedingfield, I still love you. though "Unwritten" is about to get bumped out of my Top 25 by the Dixie Chick's "Not Ready to Make Nice," just fyi. They're no Journey (in concert July 8th) but that song makes me want to both cry and kick the asses of anyone who's ever pissed me off. Sleep with one eye open, Heidi.

Anyway, at TeenVoid LC and Whitney chat. It's not at all staged. What is it about Whitney? If the season finale revealed her to be a robot I'd be like, well, duh. Or, revealed her to be Canadian. Something just aint right there. Cut to the dashing duo of Brian and Jordan. I can't tell them apart and neither is bringing anything to the table right now (other than a tall boy of natty light and steak knife, I'm sure) and when you try to do a Bragelina name combo on them you get… their same names (really, try it) so I'm calling them both Brad (issue 21: One of the brads is wearing a I heart NY Tshirt. In response, I'm going to wear my I heart useless rich kids shirt the next time this show's on). The Brads make sex jokes at each other, including asking if Heidi and LC would be up for a threesome. (issue 22: Like Heidi hasn't been down that road before… IF YOU CATCH WHAT I'M SAYING).

Back at TeenVoid, the Editrix calls LC in to rage on her for her less than stellar first week as an intern during which she was incapable of completing the most basic of duties, not just as an employee but as a human ("don't sit down"). LC is told that they don't approve of any alcohol use (issue 23: but seems to forget to scold her for letting human waste crash their biggest party of the year). When LC returns to Whitney and recounts the conversation, Whitney thanks LC for not selling her out, even though LC had asked her to allow SatanicHeidi through the firey gates of the Young Hollywood party to begin with. LC and Whitney both appear to have morals, which is nice.

Heidi and Audrina talk! Audrina works form 9-6 every day! OMG that totally sucks!

The kids go to some snazzy club called LAX (Issue 24: I'm jealous that there are no bars in NY named after airports. Cause I would totally party it up all night at LGA in the meatpacking district. Issue 25: There is no Journey playing at this bar. Issue 26: One of the Brads is wearing an argyle sweater). Heidi disappears on BoyfriendBrad and returns to say she talked to some guy and got an interview at his PR/ event planning firm (issue 27: The last time I got an interview at a bar it was not for a corporate job, IF YOU CATCH WHAT I'M SAYING). Heidi plans on staying out until 2 even though they have school reaaaaally early.

LC gets dressed for College: Round 2 (hope it sticks this time, champ!) while Heidi flops around in bed with a freckly shirtless Brad. Heidi is already planning on cutting her first classes, which LC dutifully attends, uh, attentively while Heidi plays solitaire. Heidi later tells LC that she couldn't find a class so she just didn't go, and it doesn't matter anyway cause it was Art (issue 28: Art? Not like, Renaissance Art? Fashion Art? History of Art in Japan? Just Art? Like, in 5th grade when you got to make things out of clay? Alright).

Heidi and Audrina talk about how the other Brad wants Audrina, but no one cares. Heidi and BoyfriendBrad have lunch and make uncomfortable sex overtures at each other, during which, if you listen closely, you can actually hear Heidi's father sloooowly slitting his wrists. Heidi talks about how she's not meant to do school, ever, but no one cares.

Heidi goes for her interview at Bolthouse PR and says things like "I don't give up easily (issue 29: like you did on fashion school?) and that this is her dream job (issue 30: as a second assistant? come on, we've read ). Bolthouse Brent says he wants "As little drama as possible" (issue 31: then it makes the most sense to invite someone wearing a MTV mic pack into your professional life) and gives Heidi the job.

Heidi makes a frantically happy phone call to LC in which she quivers like an excited shiz tu and espouses the great benefits of her new "job"– "I get, like, a lunch break and stuff!" LC responds "Wow, Heidi, a real lunch break?" before hanging up on her and singing "Fashion School Drop Out" (off the soundtrack to Grease 3?) and, just like that, I've fallen in love with LC all over again.

Episode Issues count:  13    Season Issues Count: 31