While Maggie has the luxury of Netflix, I'm still in a land without such basic necessities. With television going to sleep for the summer I'm also looking for new options. Jon and Stephen have returned from vacation, but that doesn't satisfy my need to watch people speaking in English. So I'm turning to the Internet. No, not my usual piracy. I'll still be doing that, but I mean the Internet videos you're not supposed to pay for. No, not porn. The other stuff. I don't like most of the terrible "random" stuff that the kids like so damn much, although I did write a semi-famous review of the All Your Base Are Belong To Us video back in early 2001. And I also run a vlog. OK, yeah, I'm a nerd.

I know there are some gems out there, so I'm going to scour the Internets and find some good TV. It can't all be Arrested Development, but there has to be something better than . That's the most watched video ever on YouTube. Don't click on it, you'll only encourage him.

First up, we have The Monkey Chow Diaries. A poor man's Supersize Me in every sense of the word, an angry young Canadian has decided to eat nothing but Monkey Chow (actually ZuPreem Primate Dry Diet Animal Food. "Chow" is Purina's trademark when referring to animal foods) for a week. We're 5 days in already and he's not very happy. Today's diary entry describes his poop as "problematic."

Make sure you check out the other entries. Those Canadians are slyly funny. Even if they have floppy heads and beady eyes.

This post marks the first installment of the Real World/Road Rules Fresh Meat Challenge weekly roundup.  In addition to episode recaps and wiseass commentary, Cristin and Dan will also be contending in the first TiFaux fantasy battle royale.  Cristin's Blue Iguanas will go head-to-head with Dan's Green Monkeys.   The rules are after the jump as well as the results, which began starting with episode two.

Episode One: 

The Australian sun dawned hot an unforgiving on the Real World- Road Rules Challengers this season. Unlike with past challenges, for this term MTV selected 12 "unknowns" to partner up with the seasoned Challenge veterans for a chance to win $250,000. Pairs compete individually, and at the end of each round, two pairs are sent "into exile" to battle for the chance to play another day.

Tempers flared early among the veterans: "Who are these kids? It's not like I come to their job and try to outdo them," wondered Theo, whilst Challenge rookie Kenny postulated "I definitely think I'm one of the more attractive ones in the house, if not top 1 or 2." Super. The veterans each selected a rookie team member in random draft order, each wondering if this one choice would make or break them, while I wondered why Danny had downgraded Melinda from "fiance" to "girlfriend" between the RR: Austin wrap special (sponsored by Michael C Fina!) and this challenge.

The first test, "Stuck On Me," involved heights, balancing, and 360 degree turns. Coral and Evan proved to be an early powerhouse and took it home, meaning that (1) they got to pick one team to go into exile and (2) they were exempt from voting on the second exile team.