Slate has an interesting article on television couples and how long it generally takes them to get together. I’ve been trying to come up with a way to weigh in on this topic without starting to sound like I’m in my junior seminar, Theories of the Novel, in which I actually came up with the thesis topic about Twin Peaks and how and why it totally sucked once we found out who killed Laura (using complicated literary theory that I’ve forgotten [Lukazc?], of course — something about why people relate to stories and dramatic structure). I really almost wrote that thesis, and now I’m kind of sad I didn’t.

Anyway. Couples. Instead of “Who killed Laura?” it’s “When will they do it?” We think they’d be so cute together, and we may or may not squeal delightedly at every sidelong glance, and we (as in, the world at large, not me, naturally) may even indulge in weird and obsessive fan fiction where every possible pairing on a show is depicted in gory detail. But we don’t want them to get together, because then the story would be over. And when they do get together, no matter how hard the writers and actors work, we won’t like it.

The Slate article blames Moonlighting, which famously bombed after Bruce Willis and Cybil Shephard got together. Having seen several episodes of this show recently, I would argue that maybe people just suddenly realized what a crappy show it was. But there’s really nothing you can do once the characters hook up. Sexual tension is 95% of the reason we watch television. It’s not Moonlighting’s fault. It’s just over.

Sex ruined this? Not too much there to ruin. Trust me.