This week on Gossip Girl, Blair went to the general vicinity of my apartment. She was terrified at the idea of learning to ride the subway. Fuck you, Blair. Rufus still thinks it’s a good idea to sell the gallery (and therefore NOT HAVE A JOB) in order to pay for his kids’ education. Jenny is styling her hair with a weed whacker. Serena is ignoring the fact that she’s a booty call for 47-year-old Gabriel-from-North-Carolina (where did that come from?) and, OMG, Georgina Sparks is back and she loves her some Jesus and is super boring.

Look, I’m not even going to address this bullshit “long-distance relationship” Blair and Nate think they’re going to have when he’s at Columbia and she’s at NYU. Instead, have I ever mentioned that Ugly Betty is stalking me? Yeah, I haven’t been watching it either. But the building they use as the exterior for Meade Publications, if they’re still calling it that, is the Woolworth Building near City Hall, which is where one of the publishers I work for when I’m getting paid real money (not blogger money; Dan pays me in catty comments about people we went to college with) is located. Twice now I’ve been there returning manuscripts and the show has been filming outside.

And Tuesday they’re filming on Fifth Avenue, on my route to work. So, yeah. America Ferrara knows how much I loved her in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and now she is stalking me.

Wait, Gossip Girl is still going on? I’m so distracted by shows about people who work for a living rather than this insipid, repetitive garbage. At least Ugly Betty is candy-colored insipid, repetitive garbage. Right, Blair thinks Gabriel (“the North Caroliar,” which I will have to try to remember for next basketball season) is cheating on Serena with Poppy, which he is even though Serena just said they were dating without strings or commitment or promise rings or whatever the fuck the kids are doing these days. Although since Gabriel is like seventy, . (Enjoy having that in your heads all day, y’all. Little gift from me to you. Look for Chuck Bass’s granddad about 1:50 into it.)

…so I can complain about terrible punctuation in an episode of Ugly Betty.

In last week’s episode, Daniel decides to do an alternative runway show. He makes the invitations himself. Unfortunately, the invitations say:

FASHION GET’S REAL

I almost fell out of my chair, because I am nerd and this is the type of thing that appalls me. No one read the invitation before putting it on air? The director? The actors? The producers? The studio people? No one? Really?

Instead of screaming and tearing her hair at this infuriating misuse of an apostrophe, Betty hugs Daniel. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the least believable thing this show — which once set a paintball fight in an office, and frequently has characters meet in a secret hidden love dungeon — has ever done.

This is what happens when the writers go on strike and the graphics department is left to its own devices. Or should I say “device’s”? Or “it’s”?

I feel dirty just typing that, even in jest.

2007 is officially over. Kaput. Done. Smell ya later.

You know what is also dead? All sorts of folks on TV. Thusly, we’ve made a provocative, scintillating top five and bottom five list of dead folks from this calendar year. Among the year’s deaths, we have a drowning, two gunshot victims, massive head trauma and even an explosion or two.

Point of information: the “top five” and “bottom five” are determined by a number of factors — the satisfying nature of the demise, how well it worked to advance the plot/character arc or, quite simply, whether we liked it or not.

For the record, proceed with caution if you are sensitive on getting spoiled by any shows. These shows include Weeds, Dexter and Battlestar Galactica.

Top 5

5. U-Turn – Weeds

The thing I really liked about U-Turn’s demise on the third season of Weeds wasn’t the satisfaction in having a repulsive character get axed. It was the perverse injustice of it all. U-Turn was such an intimidating character, breathing through a clenched jaw and flared nostrils in every scene and using terror to get his way. And then he gets killed by the fat, simple, ne’er-do-well Marvin — whose biggest accomplishment of the season was getting shot in the ass by the Mexicans. It was an understandable, but out-of-nowhere act and I love the idea of such a ridiculous, incompetent figure taking out a prime villain by surprise.

4. Symbolic spot reserved for Pushing Daisies

It seems like it wouldn’t be fair for such a death-centric show to get left out on this list. Perish the thought that any of the lead characters actually die (even Emerson — the show’s dynamics would be ruined without him). But in honor of the exploding secretaries, trampled jockeys and torn-in-half wish-givers, we raise a glass of bubbly to the supporting cast of corpses on Pushing Daisies.

3. Sgt. Doakes – Dexter

Toward the end of season two, it really looked like the creators had written themselves in a corner. There were so many complications that it didn’t seem like the season could end cleanly. I feel like it was pretty obvious that Doakes was going to get blamed for the Bay Harbor Butcher’s crimes, but after Doakes caught him in the act, I didn’t see how Dexter could pin the blame on him without killing him — a violation of the Code of Harry. Enter crazy-pants Lila. Lila’s craziness was what saved Dexter in the end. Furthermore, it was pretty satisfying to see Doakes — crazy and unhinged himself — finally out of the picture.

2. Starbuck – Battlestar Galactica

Maggie writes: Starbuck is (was?), arguably, the best character in a sea of wonderful characters from Battlestar Galactica — the frakked up risk-taking pilot with Mommy issues who makes bad decisions in the sack. Not only is (was?) she a fan favorite, she keeps the rest of the characters on their toes — sleeping with them, hurting them, telling them the ugly truth that she can’t face herself. So when her Viper blew up, it seemed impossible that they, the geniuses at the helm of BSG, would actually kill her. But they seemed very serious about it, making us suffer through four Kara-Thrace-less episodes before the last ten seconds of the last episode of this season. Not that those seconds resolved anything, of course. What does it all mean???

1. Charlie – Lost/Phil Leotardo – The Sopranos

This is cheating, but that’s okay because it’s a blog and not real life. I have two number one deaths and they’re both for different reasons. Charlie’s death earned its spot just because it was shocking (in a way), emotionally charged and completed his character’s redemption arc. Plus, the Lost folks redeemed themselves a little bit for killing a real character, not just introducing a bunch of tailies to just pick off one by one.

Phil Leotardo’s death was awesome for sheer bloodlust purposes. Such an awful man, responsible for so much death. To finally see him get whacked was really rewarding for long-time viewers. Furthermore, he didn’t just get whacked. An SUV ran over his head! I mean, what more could you ask for? It was like murder Christmas.

Honorable mention: To Nikki and Paolo from Lost. For real. In the big picture, they were totally useless, but that episode was awesome.

Bottom 5

5. Sheriff Lamb – Veronica Mars

I realize we might get some flack for putting Veronica Mars on the bottom of any list, but I have to admit that Sheriff Lamb’s untimely demise was a bit anticlimactic. No one really cared for him, so on face value this would have been a no-brainer for the top five. But the way it all went down was really unsatisfying. If I’m like most VM fans, I would’ve wanted Lamb to go out in a redeeming blaze of glory — so we can look at his tombstone and reflect that he wasn’t such a bad guy after all. However, that didn’t happen. He got bonked on the head by Richard Greico. Richard Greico, guys. I mean, come on.

4. Bradford Meade – Ugly Betty

Maggie writes: Recipe for instant melodrama: Pick the most boring character on your show. Kill him. Presto! No one liked Bradford, and none of his story lines were particularly convincing. Did anyone really believe he was in to Wilhelmina? Did anyone actually buy him as an evil genius? Then he up and dies, just in time to ruin Wili’s wedding and teach the Meade kids a little something about life. On the other hand, Santos — that one was at least a little teary.

3. President Palmer II – 24

Maggie writes: The sixth season of 24 seems awfully long ago, especially if you’re like me and you didn’t bother watching the last four episodes. But back in the beginning of the season, there was another President Palmer, the brother of the first (who was the victim of a great TV death — shot in the neck!). Prez Palmer II got himself blown up, and then he pumped himself up on uppers to lead the country, and then I think he died. He did die, didn’t he? He isn’t like Ex-Prez Logan in the ambulance, never to be heard from again? It’s a mark of the show’s decline that I can’t even remember.

2. D.L. – Heroes

He got shot by some random dude in a bar? Booooooooooooooooooo!

1. Tony Soprano – The Sopranos

My disdain for the way things went down on the series finale of The Sopranos is no secret. But, even though David Chase thinks I should just worry my pretty little head in an adorably quaint liberal arts classroom, I’m going to operate under the assumption that Tony Soprano got it in the end. All signs point to yes, as many people seem to think (including Jeopardy champ Bob Harris, who seems to have come up with the most comprehensive analysis. Although, now he seems to be wanting to distance himself from it as much as possible. Sigh. Whatever.). But I’m putting Tony’s death at the bottom of the heap — not because it didn’t make sense that it would happen, not because it wouldn’t have been just, but because of that damned fade to black and the “I’m smarter than you” ambiguity.

Honorable mention: For the dream of Studio 60. Emmy-award winning writer, cast of luminaries, the best set money can buy — what could go wrong? Everything, of course.

I haven’t had Mexican in forever. This must change.

• First and foremost, Jack from Project Runway talks about his sudden departure.
• Hypeful counts down the year’s top ten musical moments.
• Like Christmas with the creepy uncle, Isaiah Washington is picketing with the Grey’s Anatomy cast.
• Reno 911 will be back in January with Christina Applegate and Seth Green.
• In more questionable decision-making, Will Arnett will voice KITT in the Knight Rider movie.
• Strikers want the WGA to get back to the bargaining table.
• Will there even be upfronts next year?
• Keifer is a popular prisoner.
• Israel will have its own Survivor.
• Watch clips from on YouTube.
• Colombians don’t like the American Ugly Betty.

I’ve been really good about keeping away from Grey’s Anatomy recently, but I have to admit that I’m curious what’s going on. I even miss it a little. Not enough to go through quitting all over again, though.

Luckily I have Ugly Betty (with Posh Spice), 30 Rock (with Al Gore), and The Office (with the usual humor) to keep my mind off the cravings.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: If you missed last night’s awesome new Mythbusters, it’s replaying tonight at 10. I probably don’t have to tell you this, but there’s a very satisfying explosion.

Mama’s boy.

• Rosie’s talk show is a no-go.
• The premiere of 24 has been postponed due to the strike.
• Predictably, no SNL this week.
• Maya Rudolph to play Barack Obama?
• Does Simon Cowell have chest implants?  Kind of the last thing he needs.
• The creator of My So-Called Life is blaming executives for the death of creativity.
• 30 Rock makes fun of NBC’s green initiative.
• Will Lindsay Lohan show up on Ugly Betty?
• The Grey’s Anatomy cast joins the strike.
• Spoilers with TV Squad.

This post is late. It’s like I still think I’m on jury duty. Or perhaps I just don’t care because I’m going to a Tom Stoppard play tonight instead of watching TV. Once I saw a Tom Stoppard play that lasted thirteen hours. Who’s jealous now, huh?

Or maybe I’m just mad that there’s no new 30 Rock. Oh sure, you’ve still got The Office with the return of Karen, but it’s just not the same.

Coincidentally, Ugly Betty goes to Broadway tonight, too. Henry and Betty go to Wicked, which has been previously established as Betty’s favorite show. And one of my dad’s, too. My dad also saw the thirteen hour long Tom Stoppard play with me. FULL CIRCLE!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: Stream of consciousness thought I could not logically fit in to the rest of the post: Kristin Chenowith was the original Glinda in Wicked. And now isn’t she great in Pushing Daisies? And Raul Esparza was in that one episode of Pushing Daisies — he was nominated for a Tony for the revival of Company. Maybe (dare to dream) he and Kristin will sing a duet one day. Musical theater everywhere! That is all.

That was by far the funniest line I heard during last night’s World Series game. Apparently, Taco Bell is giving out a free taco to everyone in the United States once someone steals a base in the World Series. Last night, the Rockies pitcher threw to first and it was called as a balk, one of the more fun rules of baseball (along with the ground-rule double), so the runner was given the base. Hence, “Does America still get a taco?” Apparently, the answer is no. But maybe tonight! The tension is palpable!

If you prefer your comedy from scripted television, The Office is finally back to half-hour episodes, Carrie Fisher guest stars on 30 Rock (Princess Leia AAAH), and Ugly Betty continues to camp its way into our hearts.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: So this is where I’ve decided to air my opinion on Viva Laughlin, that deservedly canceled pile of crap. I thought I was going to be getting a musical television show. That, my friends, was no musical television. I agree wholeheartedly with Sara on this one — lip sync or sing full out, don’t just mumble as a song is playing in the background. Also, write a show that doesn’t suck. I did not stick to my word and only watched five minutes before giving up in anger. Thank god Pushing Daisies regularly includes some awesome Kristin Chenowith singing action, or I’d lose hope in singing on TV entirely.

I’m on a deadline today and don’t have time for the cute stuff. Here’s your TV, straight up.

It’s the season premiere of Viva Laughlin, the musical show. Despite my early enthusiasm, I’m going to have to admit that this is going to be bad. But there’s no way I’m not watching.

Steve Buscemi guest stars on 30 Rock.

The Office plants another hour-long episode on us. I’m in the “tired-of-this” camp (see sidebar poll). Michael declares bankruptcy.

Does not compute: James Van Der Beek guest stars on Ugly Betty.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: I did it. I gave up Grey’s Anatomy. Deleted it from the list. You may congratulate me now.

C’mon guys. Everyone else is doing it.

• Stephen Colbert wrote an op-ed for the New York Times.
• Zachary Quinto talks about Heroes (and, ahem, So NoTORIous).
• Dan Byrd from Angels in America talks to TV Guide.
• The great zombie series that never arrived.
• Sci-Fi when the time comes.
• Joss Whedon: the cancellation of the Buffy sing-alongs is “hugely depressing.”
• Things are already looking bad .
• Brian Williams ?
• Jay Leno is pissed about leaving The Tonight Show.
• First: The Wire. Next: New Orleans.
• Is The Office becoming a collection of caricatures?
• Kim Catrall is lying when she says she doesn’t regret turning down Ugly Betty.
• E-Kristin spoiler chat.
• Dean Cain comes to Smallville.
• Survivor’s Crazy Dave speaks.
• Finally, via Best Week Ever, here’s an ancient clip of Creed from The Office back when he was in a rock band. Like, the first rock band ever. He’s the one on the far left playing guitar.[kml_flashembed /hnFZsrs32Co" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]