Carla’s “hoodeehoo.” Stefan’s failed attempts to woo a lesbian. Fabio’s theatrical “spicy meatball” disposition. Remember the shenanigans on Top Chef: New York?

To celebrate the show’s release on DVD, we’re giving away a copy to one lucky reader.The DVD has never-before-seen stew room footage, cooking demonstrations and more.

To win, you need to send us an e-mail to tifaux -at- gmail -dot- com with the subject line “Top Chef.” But THAT’S NOT ALL.  Since this might be a hot competition, I want you to send me a recipe that I might like. You don’t have come up with it on your own — just send me a link.

Here’s a list of foods I like:

• Mexican things
• Pumpkin-flavored things
• Seafood (ex. crabs with tons of old bay…  mmmmm….)
• Fancy burgers and pizzas
• Cheesey things
• Carrot cake
• Chocolate and orange mixed together
• Booze

Recipes featuring pork and/or mushrooms will be disqualified (as they are disgusting).

If you’re already convinced you won’t win, you can order the DVD .

Hello, friends. Long time, lots of bad TV. Well, with the exception of What Would Brian Boitano Make? and brand! new! shiny! Project Runway on Lifetime. But starting, erm, last week, the long summer drought has ended, and we’re getting factory-direct new episodes of scripted TV, which is awesome. Herein, a few things I am looking forward to, and a few more I am giving up on.

As you may know, Gossip Girl returns for a third season tonight, with everyone on the show attending NYU because they are too poor/stupid/antisocial for Yale, Brown, and gen pop (Blair and Dan, Serena, and Chuck, respectively). I suppose it doesn’t even matter if I point out yet again that NYU costs more than Yale, and that CCNY would actually be more on these dimwits’ intellectual levels. I don’t think I’ll be following the Gossips too much this year, because everything became both unbelievable and unbelievably boring last year. And although I do enjoy watching boys make out almost as much as Dan (our Dan, not Lonelyboy. Well, I think Lonelyboy likes it too) does, the prospect of Chuck sucking face with this guy isn’t going to bring me back.

A show I will be following, religiously? Castle! Because Nathan Fillion is a very nice man and it’s fantastic to see him finally get a second season of something. The man works hard, selling the hell out of the show , and also he sometimes shows up . Which is the kind of commitment we like to see in our tall, dark, and handsome Canadians. Besides that, the show itself is quality. It was a midseason replacement last year and turned out to be a nice blend of procedural and romantic dramedy, with Fillion providing most of the giggles and the quite lovely Stana Katic playing the straight man. Also, his interaction with his TV daughter is wonderful. Seriously, I may be most excited about the return of Castle, and that’s saying a lot, since back in April I was inappropriately anxious to find out if Amy Brenneman would survive having her belly sliced open by that psychotic woman from Alias and Felicity.

I am also very excited about How I Met Your Mother, and not just because my crush on NPH really doesn’t care that he’s gay (remember what I said about boys making out? Yeah, I could stand to see a little PDA on the Emmy red carpet, is all). I’ve been rewatching the early seasons of HIMYM on DVD, and honestly, I just love that show. It’s so sparkling and delightful, and even SagetTed doesn’t weird me out anymore. I am really in no hurry to find Your Mother, as that might bring the show to an end, and I just love it too much. More Barney! More Marshall! More everyone!

Avec Eric is like Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, but with less swearing, fewer snide remarks about my beloved Food Network, and far more inventive use of a toaster oven. Famous, fantastic French chef Eric Ripert travels the world for boar hunts and visits to the greatest restaurants there are, then he whips up something tasty in his palatial home kitchen. And he does it all with the most wonderful accent, a sense of humor, and a deep sense of respect for food, people who grow food, people who kill food, and people who eat food. If you only know him from Top Chef, record the show. There are no commercials! And it’s just incredibly relaxing and beautiful. If Eric Ripert’s accent doesn’t make your ears purr, I will refund your money.

I’ve seen the pilot of Community. It is quite funny, and of course, Joel McHale can do no wrong. I hope it prospers magnificently. I’ve also seen the pilot of Trauma, which is quite unintentionally funny in places, but you know I will watch whatever Peter Berg throws at me. You know who’s interesting on that? Cliff Curtis, who plays a crazy adrenaline junkie helicopter paramedic. He kind of wins the TV Diversity Sweepstakes (at first I thought he was Indian, but he’s actually from New Zealand. And once played Pablo Escobar! Far better than Adrian Grenier did). Speaking of Peter Berg, I have no idea what’s going to happen on Friday Night Lights when it returns to DirecTV, but I will be there. Er, here. In my office, where we have DirecTV. I understand that Riggins will be back (RIGGINS!!) but not Tyra. And Matt Saracen is sticking around Dillon to break our hearts like five thousand more times. Plus, Coach and Mrs. Coach! I almost forgot how deeply I love Friday Night Lights, you all.

And that is kind of it. Yeah, there are other returning shows I’m looking forward to, and I will give a looksee to Flash Forward, The Good Wife, and Modern Family, but with Jay Leno effectively blacking out five hours of primetime a week to me, this appears to be what my DVR will be filled with this fall. And! The Daily Show returns tonight! That is making me very happy. What are y’all looking forward to?

I really had no hopes for Top Chef: Masters. As with most competitive reality shows, for me, the human drama always takes center stage over whatever the actual competition is. That is, while Project Runway is allegedly about dresses or whatever, I’m really only interested in allegations of cheating and bitchy in-fighting.

So, when I found out that this show would essentially be a showdown between established chefs who wouldn’t be living/fighting together (just competing in a tournament of high caliber cooks), I can’t say I was counting the days to the premiere. To a certain extent, I’ve been proven wrong as the show is consistently entertaining, albeit not as addictive as the original. A slightly more grown up version of its predecessor, Top Chef: Masters really emphasizes the food, and it’s actually pretty interesting to hear about the chef’s careers and why they are so obsessed with food.

This week’s episode featured the final four contestants utilizing the help of former Top Chef contestants to create a buffet for 200. The chefs had to interview the potential staffers and select who would assist them playground-style.

During the course of the episode, Michael Chiarello emerged as a surprise villain — evolving from humble TV chef to sneering egomaniac.

At the beginning of the series, Chiarello oozed insecurity — clearly uncomfortable being surrounded by “real” restaurant chefs while he remained best known for hosting a show on Food Network. It was sort of painful to watch him desperately vie for the approval of the other chefs, but at least he seemed to really focus on creating a great product and want to prove that he deserved his spot in the competition. But after winning his first competition, he moved from trying to be respected to trying to be liked — out-nicing all the other chefs with effusive compliments and copious smiles.

Now, in this most recent episode, not only did he get into a dust-up with former contestant Dale (the Asian one, not the gay one) and badger the contestants by asking them how to pronounce his last name — but he generally treated the incoming staff in a bossy and unfriendly manner. Before you say it, I know — chefs are supposed to be larger-than-life, ego-driven lunatics. But I don’t like to think that treating people badly is acceptable as an industry standard (especially when the other chefs didn’t seem to find it all that hard to treat their staff as peers).

I was a bit disappointed at the elimination of Anita Lo last week. Anita wasn’t exactly a firecracker of personality, but I liked the fact that she clearly had little interest in being on television — it made her seem more authentic. In fact, she sort of seemed embarassed to be on the show at all (while Rick Bayless and Hubert Keller are taking it in good spirit and enjoying themselves).

At this point, I’m rooting for Hubert because he is adorable and French. He is my French grandfather who makes me fresh croissants and delights me with tales of the old country by the fire.

Last week, Padma and company gave the boot to spicy meatball Fabio in the episode before the finale. Now that leaves bald and obnoxious Stefan, bald and desperate-to-defeat-Stefan Hosea and Carla, the spazzy underdog whose remarkable ascent has been really fun to watch. I’m completely obsessed with her and I think I want her to win more than any other Top Chef contestant ever.

In any case, here’s Fabio’s exit interview with scenery-chewer extraordinaire Andy Cohen.

Also, my posting might be spotty for a while.  I just moved and have no TV or internet — two vital ingredients for running a TV blog.

I’m tired, y’all. So it’s going to be a day of clips for you.

First up, good old Leanne from season one (who’s made a career behind the scenes of the show), gives us insight into the Food Porn Room where they do the close-up sexy shots of the dishes.

2008 saw a lot of great performances by whole bodies. Tina Fey couldn’t have told a lot of funny jokes if she hadn’t been able to say them with her mouth. And learned the lines by reading them with her eyes. And walked to the studio with her legs.

But there are some body parts that worked overtime this year, picking up the slack where other body parts just took up room (I’m looking at you Ellen Pompeo’s forehead!).

As such, let’s take a quick vote — which TV body part deserves recognition for its Outstanding Achievement in Being a TV Star Body Part? Let me know in the comments if I’ve left off a deserving part. Otherwise, going clockwise from the left…

Top Chef ended just a couple weeks ago and it still seems like forever. A woman won, which we were all happy to see, but sadly our two favorite lesbians (of the three) bit the dust a bit early in the competition.

Well, Zoi was probably a bit swamped by the competition — Jen could have stayed around a little while.

Here’s a Hulu Web exclusive about the couple, looking back at all the lesbionic drama.

So it’s agreed: We, the internet, hate Lisa. I still can’t get over the congratulations comment, she stole a spot from a deserving single mother who could use the money and then had the hutzpah to ask for praise? And what was up with the Rosie O’Donnell Taboo haircut? Just because a bad haircut helped Ilan win 2 seasons ago doesn’t mean it’ll work twice.

As far as scoring, Stephanie and Richard are still tied, and even if Lisa won 5 more Quickfire and Elimination challenges she’d still be trailing behind them. One interesting thing I’ve noticed is Stephanie is probably the first contestant in Top Chef history to never appear in the middle. She either wins, scores poorly, or near the top.

Episode	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11	12	13
Quickfire Winner	None	Mark	Rich	Dale	Ant.	Jenn	Rich	Ant.	Drew Ant. Rich Steph	Spike	Antonia	Spike	Steph
Lisa	IN	IN	IN	HIGH	WIN	IN	LOW	LOW	IN	LOW	LOW	LOW	LOW
Richard	HIGH	IN	IN	WIN	LOW	IN	WIN	IN	WIN	IN	HIGH	HIGH	WIN
Stephanie	WIN	LOW	WIN	HIGH	HIGH	HIGH	LOW	LOW	HIGH	HIGH	WIN	WIN	HIGH
Antonia	HIGH	IN	HIGH	LOW	LOW	HIGH	LOW	WIN	HIGH	IN	HIGH	HIGH	OUT
Spike	IN	IN	IN	LOW	LOW	IN	HIGH	IN	LOW	LOW	LOW	OUT
Dale	IN	IN	IN	HIGH	HIGH	WIN	WIN	IN	LOW	WIN	OUT
Andrew	IN	WIN	IN	HIGH	LOW	IN	HIGH	HIGH	IN	OUT
Nikki	HIGH	LOW	IN	IN	IN	LOW	IN	HIGH	OUT
Mark	LOW	HIGH	HIGH	IN	LOW	LOW	IN	OUT
Jennifer	IN	IN	IN	IN	IN	IN	OUT
Ryan	LOW	IN	LOW	IN	IN	OUT
Zoi	IN	HIGH	LOW	LOW	OUT
Manuel	IN	IN	IN	OUT
Erik	LOW	IN	OUT
Valerie	IN	OUT
Nimma	OUT

Rank based on scoring: 2 points for a win, 1 point for a Quickfire win or appearance in top, -1 point for appearance in bottom

Rank	Contestant	Point Total
1	Richard	13
1	Stephanie	13
3	Lisa	-3

It’s the penultimate episode of Top Chef and I thought we were all in agreement. There were three great chefs — Stephanie, Richard and Antonia — and we were supposed to quietly go through these last few episodes systematically giving the rest their walking papers.

However, the message never seemed to have gotten to Padma and company as they gave Antonia a jaw-dropping “smell ya later.” Here’s her sad exit interview:

Take a look at John’s OCD scorecards. With the number of poor finishes in Lisa’s record, don’t you think they would have cut Antonia some slack — especially given the fact that this was not a blow-out at all. Naturally, with the even tempers of the thre superior chefs, the finale might not have been as dramatic if they had people handling their stress responsibly. I don’t want to sound all conspiracy theorist-y, but something ain’t right.

I’m not saying that there always has to be an asshole in the top three, but, historically, there always has been. In season one it was Tiffani (although she seems to have cleaned up her act in previous show appearances). In mean-spirited season two everyone was kind of an asshole. In season three the asshole won.

It just seems all-too-convenient that the gal no one seems to care for and who has barely scraped by this whole time makes it to the final.

Eh, oh well. Hopefully Stephanie will take it in the end.

By the way, the moment that Richard incredulously interviewed that he didn’t know why he had to congratulate Lisa on “getting the bronze fucking medal” is probably the moment I’ve liked him most this entire season.

Unsurprisingly, Spike got kicked off. I fucking love that the producers snuck frozen scallops into the kitchen, it’s brilliant and extremely dick. Otherwise it looks like Richard and Stephanie are now tied point-wise with Antonia trailing slightly. I’m fully expecting Lisa to get canned in tonight’s episode. Once she’s gone I think it’s going to be an interesting finale.

Episode	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11	12
Quickfire Winner	None	Mark	Rich	Dale	Antonia	Jenn	Richard	Antonia	Drew Ant. Rich Steph	Spike	Antonia	Spike
Antonia	HIGH	IN	HIGH	LOW	LOW	HIGH	LOW	WIN	HIGH	IN	HIGH	HIGH
Lisa	IN	IN	IN	HIGH	WIN	IN	LOW	LOW	IN	LOW	LOW	LOW
Richard	HIGH	IN	IN	WIN	LOW	IN	WIN	IN	WIN	IN	HIGH	HIGH
Stephanie	WIN	LOW	WIN	HIGH	HIGH	HIGH	LOW	LOW	HIGH	HIGH	WIN	WIN
Spike	IN	IN	IN	LOW	LOW	IN	HIGH	IN	LOW	LOW	LOW	OUT
Dale	IN	IN	IN	HIGH	HIGH	WIN	WIN	IN	LOW	WIN	OUT
Andrew	IN	WIN	IN	HIGH	LOW	IN	HIGH	HIGH	IN	OUT
Nikki	HIGH	LOW	IN	IN	IN	LOW	IN	HIGH	OUT
Mark	LOW	HIGH	HIGH	IN	LOW	LOW	IN	OUT
Jennifer	IN	IN	IN	IN	IN	IN	OUT
Ryan	LOW	IN	LOW	IN	IN	OUT
Zoi	IN	HIGH	LOW	LOW	OUT
Manuel	IN	IN	IN	OUT
Erik	LOW	IN	OUT
Valerie	IN	OUT
Nimma	OUT

Rank based on scoring: 2 points for a win, 1 point for a Quickfire win or appearance in top, -1 point for appearance in bottom

Rank	Contestant	Point Total
1	Richard	11
1	Stephanie	11
3	Antonia	9
4	Lisa	-2